Held and  Free

Held and Free

“A whole family is one in which each member can bring her full self to the table knowing that she will always be both held and…

AMEN(ds)

AMEN(ds)

While there is no right way to do a wrong thing, there are countless wrong ways to do a right thing. Today, I am keenly…

Cycles of Healing

Cycles of Healing

I would not have chosen the things which have harmed me but am grateful and proud of how I am allowing myself to be shaped…

Dog Whistling

Dog Whistling

So one of my sons has some serious skills when it comes to dog whistling and gaslighting and boy am I grateful I get to…

My First Bullies

My First Bullies

Who in your life held you in unconditional high regard and rooted for you, ride or die 24-7-365? Who in your life consistently instilled messages…

dis-GRACEd

dis-GRACEd

Ruminating (ok, obsessing) on the concept of grace and how I feel nearly frantic (obvi) that my boys may not learn to value grace, as…

Amazing Grace

I created this blog to discover(through reflection an sharing) and reclaim all of parts of myself which had been erased– or failed to develop as…

Stuff that is important to me

Love Enjoy Need My sons Tattoos Safe Solitude Sweet Greg Tacos Kindness Favorite(my bff) Tiramisu Safe Laughter Animals Books Safe Connection The Beach Yardwork Reading…

Dear Maggie

Dear Maggie

My homework from therapy was to write a letter to myself of what I would want my mother to say to me, what I would…

July 4

July 4

In my family of origin and then later my mirror image marriage, assertive direct voicing of my own need, preference, or boundary was met with…

Things Learned

Things Learned

So it seems like juuuuusssst maybe the key to living a peaceful and meaningful existence- is in learning how to recover from difficult people, events,…

Circling The Drain

Circling The Drain

The message was consistent, from my family of origin and in my marriage–that my experiences, needs, desires, concerns were invalid, inadmissible, troublesome. When (99.9% of…

Just Another List

Just Another List

Qualities which I treasure, not like I am compelled to get to know or call a person a friend, or enter into a relationship, just…

Unfit

Unfit

Any form of antihistamine, the smallest dose results, for me, in emotionally violent nightmares. Even antihistamine eye drops, which seems unreasonable, since they are not…

Goals

Goals

When I mentioned to Sweet Greg last weekend how uncomfortable I am with the 25 extra pounds I have been carrying for the last 4…

Why I Did IT

Why I Did IT

Why I Did IT Why did I marry a man who made me feel unsafe, unlovable, unworthy of comfort or acknowledgment?  Because it was the…

The Non-Redeemable

The Non-Redeemable

As I watch and try to untangle and make sense of what is happening, I see how those who need to feel admired will frequently…

Get Well Soon—PLEASE

Get Well Soon—PLEASE

To the people who were older and on whom I relied to teach me about love, trust, and connection: The messaging that your encampment in…

Maybe I Am

Maybe I Am

I see now how my ability to develop or pursue creativity or ambition of any sort, was stunted. I became crazed by my need for…

The House Rules

The House Rules

I am never wrong, out of line, erring in judgment, lacking in kindness, patience, grace. It is ill advised to suggest otherwise. Nor am I…

Fuuuuuuuuuck

Fuuuuuuuuuck

So, the boys’ father is especially manic now that he has found a woman to claim a WE with. Whatever. On my boys’ weekends with…

Narcissistic Bullying

Narcissistic Bullying

As I continually have opportunities to PRACTICE detachment, using my recovery tools and skills, it feels only right to share tips (just the tip-hahaha) for…

Love Does & Does Not

Love Does & Does Not

If I really think about it. …I could not have done anything great enough to earn the gift of Sweet Greg’s love. AND there is…

Clean MRI

Clean MRI

The neuorlogists office called regarding MRI of brain and spine- results of scan: Normal- at least no MS. I will request a second pair of…

So Then

So Then

I worried that R would righteously skip the MRI and also not tell me. I checked location services and saw the O was home while…

WIATF?

WIATF?

Imagine a struggling child (or really any person) whose parent, in no uncertain terms, communicates how: “Nobody can or wants to relate or even to…

December

December

In the past month:   **My boys’ father met a woman, requiring him to stay out late on school nights (past 10 and even 11) leaving my…

On Fidelity

On Fidelity

I long desperately (as I do most things) for my boys to desire and believe in the best for each other (in time, I get…

Good Input

Good Input

How have I provided good input for my children?  Who, in my child’s life is a reliable source for good input (consistently kind, considerate, trustworthy, loyal,…

Connection & Purpose