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Monthly Archives: April 2016

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April

Absolute Authenticity Has Its Price

Valentine’s Day: A Strange Surprise

Between Invisible & Seen: Finding True Belonging

Starved

Love & Self-Worth: The Legacy of Our Caregivers

Purpose, Belonging, Direction

Just Shut Up

I'm not angry. I'm overwhelmed.

Accuracy of Language

Rupture and Repair

Breakdown or Breakthrough

The intention for Wholesome Badass is to share my journey, my UN-learnings- openly, inviting community with Trusted Others who also are intensely feeling beings.

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Valentine’s Day: A Strange Surprise

I didn’t expect to hear from my ex-husband on Valentine’s Day, especially after years of no contact. When his call came through, I assumed it was urgent—something about our sons. Given our history, I expected it to be disturbing, so

God please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself, love, connection, and especially You: for an open mind and a new experience with myself, love, connection, and especially You.

Between Invisible & Seen: Finding True Belonging

I am seeking healing in the form of a way to channel all of this old information and energy out of me, so that it doesn’t continue backfiring, making me sicker, sadder, and more afraid. What I long for is

Starved

When hunger has ravaged you, you’ll consume glass, whisper thanks, and await the next hunger’s call with trembling heart.

YOur work is not to change who you are. You are not too much.

Love & Self-Worth: The Legacy of Our Caregivers

I’ve come to realize that the way we experience love—and how we later give and receive it—is often rooted in the care we were shown as children. Our caregivers, the ones who were tasked with nurturing and protecting us, taught

Purpose, Belonging, Direction

I read a quote today which has me weeping. I’m weeping all the time anyway just about over every single song and everything reminding me of all the love I have missed, all the love that was not recieved or

Just Shut Up

The messages from my family of origin were unmistakable: “We will not show empathy or understanding for your perspective. In response to what we perceive as distortions, we will only offer defense, attack, blame, and relentless conflict.” All I ever

I’m not angry. I’m overwhelmed.

It’s painful to recall being scolded in shaming ways during overwhelming moments: “Why are you so angry? Why are you so defensive? Why are you yelling?” I percieved but could not name the dissonance, the lack of understanding and interest

Accuracy of Language

I am gradually acquiring better language as I work to heal from things which (for lack of a more precise word) I previously identified as abuse. While abusive things were said and done by my family of origin and the

Previous Posts

2025 (5)

20. February / Valentine’s Day: A Strange Surprise
19. February / Between Invisible & Seen: Finding True Belonging
18. February / Starved
18. February / Love & Self-Worth: The Legacy of Our Caregivers
23. January / Purpose, Belonging, Direction

2024 (22)

16. October / Just Shut Up
15. October / I’m not angry. I’m overwhelmed.
03. October / Accuracy of Language
03. October / Rupture and Repair
30. September / Breakdown or Breakthrough
29. September / National Son’s Day
18. September / Healing and Living
16. September / Truthful vs Honest
15. September / Just Be Positive
08. September / Why a Smear Campaign?
07. September / Painful Reminders
03. September / Fallout from The Love Bomb
02. September / Blessings and Privilege
02. September / A New Low
01. September / Several Things
01. September / What if?
18. August / More More More – PLEASE
19. April / Wax Play?
24. February / Rehash- ReCap
24. February / Hit and Run and CPTSD
18. January / Categorically and Inherently Wrong
02. January / Bad Economy

2023 (21)

24. December / Better Not Cry- Better Not Pout
05. November / Holding On– But also letting go
14. October / Goals, Ambition, Mental Health
05. October / How Do I Handle This?
26. September / Trojan Horse(repost from 2017)
24. August / The Pain We Do Not Heal(re-post from 2018)
22. August / If you can’t convince them, confuse them(re-post)
22. August / A Different Kind Of Sex(re-post)
01. August / Public Service Announcement
29. July / Shame and Guilt and Fear
29. July / Perspectives
26. July / Roles and Scripts
11. July / New Dynamics
26. June / Like a Moth to a Flame
17. June / Big Triggers
10. June / Trolling for Love on Match.com
13. May / Good, better, and not enough
09. April / Relax- Calm Down
08. April / My Friend in the Mountains
12. March / New Love- Old Wounds
12. February / It Is Like This

2022 (37)

31. December / Held and Free
24. December / Scapegoating- How it begins
17. December / AMEN(ds)
11. November / Cycles of Healing
06. August / Dog Whistling
05. August / My First Bullies
27. July / Are you seriously still talking about it?
26. July / Out Of My Control- In My Control
17. July / dis-GRACEd
14. July / Amazing Grace
14. July / Stuff that is important to me
11. July / In healthy, healing, loving family systems…
07. July / She would never say it, but…
05. July / Dear Maggie
04. July / July 4
12. June / YOU ARE THE ONLY PROBLEM!!!
30. May / Things Learned
29. May / Blind Spots- We All Have Them
27. May / Circling The Drain
16. May / Just Another List
12. May / Unfit
08. May / Goals
23. April / Why I Did IT
12. April / The Non-Redeemable
31. March / Get Well Soon—PLEASE
19. March / 60 Year Old Bearded Alcoholic Girlfriend
15. March / Maybe I Am
13. March / Perfection v. Self Reflection
11. March / The House Rules
12. February / Fuuuuuuuuuck
05. February / Narcissistic Bullying
01. February / Pathological Shaming
22. January / Want Sum?
20. January / Love Does & Does Not
18. January / Clean MRI
17. January / So Then
14. January / Wednesday Morning Text

2021 (45)

31. December / There are Some Good Things
28. December / WIATF?
26. December / December
21. December / On Fidelity
16. December / Good Input
07. December / Connection & Purpose
27. November / Mercy
26. November / JOYful Thanksgiving
25. November / Another Thanksgiving
17. November / Random Thoughts on Love, Parenting, & Truths
13. November / Why (subtext:You suck and are crazy and we disapprove of you)
11. November / Fight Starters 100% Guaranteed
01. November / Doing The Lord’s Work
31. October / Not A Great Fit
27. October / Daily Reminders
26. October / 2021 Happy Birthday
22. October / Choosing
08. October / The Commandments
03. October / Mental Health Awareness
26. September / Narcissists Seek Validation -Not Help
19. September / My Trauma is My Gift
18. September / Step ZERO
09. September / 9.11
05. September / Covid and the Narcissist
23. August / Proud and Protected
21. August / Hard To Love
07. August / Thoughtful Cruelty
17. July / Artificial Indifference
28. June / Today v. Yesterday
28. June / Fuck yoooooooooooooooo
03. June / Clearly
29. May / PTSD and Insanity
29. May / Me Tooooo
22. May / Risk Taking Mistake Making
18. May / Wrong Beliefs- A Mother’s Day Post
04. May / Depression and Sex
18. April / Alien
17. April / Trying
23. March / Anne Lamott – Recovery Badass
14. February / Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me
08. February / Big Shot
07. February / Night-Time
27. January / Smile GDI!
14. January / On Loyalty and Abuse
04. January / Happy New Year

2020 (66)

21. December / The Art of Plausible Deniability
15. December / Wish You Were Here
12. December / Tell the Truth
02. December / No Deal!
30. November / My JOB
19. November / Let Go or Be Dragged
04. November / Week Five
29. September / A Different Kind of Life
27. September / We Love Jilan
24. September / Cover Up!
22. September / What Shame Does
14. September / ACA Daily Reading January 12- Fear
13. September / ACA Daily Reading January 11- False Self
12. September / I Don’t Get It
09. September / Before Recovery
07. September / September 7
03. September / Introverting
26. August / uniformity v. solidarity
14. August / Pain
02. August / What is Schadenfreude?
26. July / Affiliations and Attachments
23. July / Kindness Is Not Conditional
13. July / Or Else — Bring it
01. July / Be The Reason
23. June / Mama
17. June / What We Choose
09. June / Torture
08. June / MY White Privilege
12. May / Things I struggle with
11. May / Twenty-five Things
05. May / I AM
02. May / Wrong But Not Bad
24. April / I Am Free
23. April / Who I Am
21. April / Hickeys and Large Pores
20. April / Yeh- No
13. April / How I Used To Be
10. April / You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught
09. April / Serves You Right
08. April / Under The Influence
07. April / To Repair or Repaint
30. March / Gossip Culture
27. March / If it hurts me, it is bad for me
26. March / Incongruous Behaviors
25. March / The Five Rules
25. March / Self Doubt v. Purpose & Belonging
21. March / Look For The Helpers
20. March / Not So Classy
19. March / What is Wrong?
17. March / I Choose Corona Virus Over…
11. March / I Can Only Imagine
08. March / An Altruistic Donor
07. March / Liver Anyone?
29. February / Just Because
26. February / Emotionally Barbaric
24. February / Healing is Excruciating
18. February / To Struggle Is Human
03. February / Either Or
01. February / The Bare Minimum
28. January / I Will Change The Things I Can
15. January / Who Even Does That?
14. January / Bold and Sensitive
13. January / First Class
07. January / Raising a Modern-Day Knight
06. January / Learning to Say No to Yourself
03. January / What Sort of Person Behaves Like That?

2019 (58)

31. December / Bye Bye 2019
30. December / Recovering From The Family Disease
27. December / Back to Step One
26. December / No More
20. December / A Book Club Must Read
14. December / Boundaries Are Hard
11. December / Listen, Learn, Serve
09. December / Obedience to the Unenforceable
30. November / Eggshells are Easily Broken
27. November / Claiming Responsibility
18. November / Thank You for Letting Me Go
12. November / Freedom from THE Shame
08. November / Cycle Breaking–and the Fall Out
06. November / Better Living
24. October / Sweet Mercy
29. September / My Saddest Day
26. September / The Anatomy of Trust
21. September / Because I was Terrified
07. September / Fuck Shame
12. August / Love Does
28. July / Deselection
04. July / Repair or Repeat
04. July / Feeling Empowered
21. June / You Deserve Better
18. May / Sometimes The Solution Sucks
12. May / On Mother’s Day
21. April / “Happy” Easter
13. April / I Feel You—literally
18. March / An Inconvenient Child
04. March / Life and Love are Messy by Rachael Alaia
02. March / Are You an Empath?
02. March / Bye Mom
28. February / A Litany for Survival
19. February / Making Amends
18. February / Things Which Once Caused Me Shame
18. February / Goddammit Magda
17. February / Together, We Belong
15. February / The Exact Right Words
14. February / On Being Psycho
12. February / The Things We are Learning
11. February / Say Yikes and Move On!
07. February / Educated by Tara Westover
05. February / Unity v. Division
30. January / Learning to Belong
29. January / The Quality of My Thoughts
26. January / Formatting Errors v. Compatibility Issues
25. January / No Means No
24. January / Never say Never
20. January / You Can’t Make Me and Neither Can I
19. January / Trust in Kindness
14. January / Day 15 I Can Not Be Counted On
13. January / Day 14 Character Analysis
12. January / Day 13 Second-Handers
07. January / Day 8 Reflection
05. January / Atypical Day 6
03. January / Day 4 Schitt’s Creek
02. January / Day 3 The Fountainhead
01. January / 2019 Day 1

2018 (86)

31. December / No, But This Time I Mean It
21. December / Clear Boundaries are not Grudges
20. December / Are You My Mother?
17. December / Our Mother Who Art in Heaven
17. December / Social Media for Abuse Awareness
16. December / Pills That are Hard to Swallow
04. December / BUT WHY THO—Dear Mom
03. December / Rest In Peace
02. December / Fake Peace
25. November / This Is Not My Kingdom
24. November / Walls or Bridges
22. November / Gentle Thanksgiving
19. November / Being Human Means Making Mistakes
09. November / Boundaries and Being Non-Dead
06. November / How I Tricked Him Into Loving Me
02. November / Healing After and During Betrayal
29. October / Communicating Truth
26. October / Aha!
25. October / Happy Birthday ?
14. October / Why Lie
11. October / Some Letters
06. October / The Part Where You Fucked Up
02. October / The Smiling Poop Emoji
25. September / Grandma’s Favorite—awww so sweet, y’all
24. September / Thank Good Gods
23. September / Undeserving
10. September / Supporting Gay Tweens- Even when they are not “yours”
26. August / It is Not that I Don’t Care..
17. August / For the Love
14. August / Because Obviously
10. August / On Forgiving
03. August / Like-hearted
28. July / Are We Good?
26. July / Stand Your Ground
25. July / It Might Just Suck
23. July / On Bullying
22. July / First, Your Spirit
19. July / On Gossip
16. July / The Tightrope
12. July / Get Well Soon
09. July / Emergencies and Celebrations
09. July / The Opposite of Love
08. July / A Letter for Children
06. July / Life and Death
05. July / Independence Day
04. July / No Laughing Matter
03. July / We Learn What We Live
02. July / Low Blood Sugar and Anxiety
02. July / Be the Nice Kid
01. July / Indirect Communication
29. June / Problem or Unpleasant Fact–How to Know
28. June / Right, Wrong, or Just Human
26. June / We Belong to Each Other
25. June / But Why Though
24. June / You Do Not Have to Agree with Me to Love Me
23. June / Ambition or Denial
22. June / You Got What You Deserved
22. June / Six Things
17. June / When Bad Things Happen to Good People
10. June / Check Your Self- Sometimes You Are the Toxic Person
07. June / Mental Health–We all have mental health.
04. June / How to Achieve Menschdom by Guy Kawasaki
26. May / What is Love?
22. May / A Letter to My Sons
20. May / Abuse is Abuse
15. May / A Letter From My Sons
13. May / Courage to Change
11. May / happy mothers’ day
06. May / The Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses
03. May / Every Time I Judge
02. May / Recovery Celebrations
13. April / Best Days of Our Lives
05. April / Shame on Who(or whom)?
02. April / Get Over It—Umm Okaaay
29. March / DGAF–I Totally Give
28. March / I am sorry that…
12. March / Thank You for Teaching Me
21. February / The Legacy of Rage
16. February / Serves You Right
15. February / Parenting and Power Struggles
23. January / Food and Truth-In Abundance
19. January / We Can Do Hard Things
16. January / One Goal 100% of the Time
12. January / Am I an Asshole-I Don’t Think So(anymore)
05. January / Breakups
02. January / Shannon Thomas- Healing From Hidden Abuse

2017 (160)

27. December / They Belong Together
26. December / Sweet Surrender
19. December / Connection and Protection
18. December / It is Not About You
12. December / Name it To Tame it
11. December / Winners Change and Grow, Staying the Same is for the Others
10. December / BIRTHDAY MIRACLES
04. December / What You Believe In, Becomes Your Reality, Your Life
02. December / It’s That Time of Year
28. November / Home is Where You Can Afford to Live–Right?
25. November / Children Learn What They Live
22. November / Count Your Blessings
19. November / Paper Plates–The Cheap Kind
17. November / Every Chapter Matters
10. November / Trojan Horses
09. November / So This
08. November / Truth to Bullshit
05. November / Narcissist Be Like
03. November / Kthanksbye
01. November / The Loss of an Estranged Parent
31. October / Thanksgiving with Family-More Spooky than Halloween–More Tricky than Treaty
28. October / The Opposite of Faith
27. October / Broken But Not Destroyed
26. October / Hug Rapers-Break the Cycle
25. October / A Year of Miracles-or Just One Day
24. October / Soul (Rapey) Sister
23. October / Happy Birthday
22. October / We Can Do Hard Things
21. October / One Day at A Time
18. October / Emotional Honesty and Healing v. Play Acting
17. October / Poor Sally Draper
16. October / Recovery from Life
12. October / A Friend of Bill’s
10. October / Life on Life’s Terms
09. October / Loving Myself, Unapologetically, and Without Permission
03. October / The Shit Before the Shift
02. October / We Don’t Have to Feel Starved
27. September / Nope…I can’t
26. September / You Do Not Have to Stand for the Pledge
25. September / Sorry Not Sorry
24. September / Braving The Wilderness
17. September / You Are Either With Me or You Are Against Me
22. August / Death Wishing and Hopelessness
16. August / It is NOT NORMAL
15. August / Are You Effing Insane?
14. August / Stonewalling-How it Works
13. August / Relief Is Available–Name It to Tame It
08. August / Truth Speaking–Amen
06. August / Our Feelings Can Teach Us
04. August / Jeff Brown Wisdom on Spiritual and Emotional Healing
31. July / Triangulation-How It Works
30. July / Then You Win
30. July / The Difference Is….
28. July / How Upsetting for Children
23. July / Children-Make Them Feel Loved
16. July / Love is Many Things, BUT Never Deceitful
09. July / What Is that smell? Could it be bullshit?
06. July / The Fighter
04. July / Independence Day 2017- Freedom from ……..
30. June / Mindful Parenting
27. June / PSA–Match.com Works When You are Honest
25. June / Destroying Others is Monstrous Behavior
18. June / Fathers Day Feelings
15. June / To Thine Own Self Be True
15. June / I know what I Bring to the Table
06. June / Historical Revisionist–Future Revisionist
01. June / The Day You Were Born
31. May / No, No Thank you, Unfortunately, That Wont Work
29. May / Memorial Day 2017-Dying for Peace
23. May / Self Love is the Shit
20. May / Stay Close to Anything That Makes You Glad to be Alive
19. May / Starved
17. May / The Broken Clock
16. May / Me Too, Tell Me More
13. May / We Who Are Your Closest Friends
11. May / I Wish You Well
10. May / The Miracles of Recovery
08. May / Gratitude Continued
06. May / Project Miracle
05. May / Just Be Happy-Goddammit
02. May / Letting Go of Obsession- One Day At A Time
01. May / Shame Shifting
30. April / Happy Mother’s Day
28. April / Psychological Invalidation Is Abuse
27. April / Always a Third Way
26. April / Dear Lord………
24. April / Welcome to McDonalds
22. April / What Would Lena Dunham Do?
21. April / What Is Your Problem, Anyway?
20. April / I Love Jesus
17. April / When Someone Shows You Who They Are
15. April / Let’s Roll-Grappling On and Off the Mats
14. April / Shaming and Blaming–Not Welcome Here
13. April / Kindness Can Not Be Legislated–BUT Unkindness Can
13. April / Follow Your Heart- Be True and Honor Yourself
11. April / The Matriarchal Family
07. April / Hallelujah Anyway–Anne Lamott with Reverend Chip Edens
06. April / Heaven Knows……
05. April / Pray for a Miracle
04. April / Understanding Unforgiveness- Repair or Release?
03. April / One Day at a Time, They too Shall Pass
02. April / No Solution- No problem
31. March / Surrender…. or Try Harder, More, Better
30. March / The Imaginary Letter-The One That Never Comes
29. March / Greatest Achievement-hahaha
29. March / Letter to Mother and Sister
28. March / Tools for Life
27. March / An Invitation to Heal-Repair or Release
24. March / Good Grief
23. March / The Menu-Life Choices
23. March / You Spot It–You Got It
21. March / House of Cards
21. March / Fools Rush In
15. March / Painful Dynamics- Repair or Release
14. March / Submission is for Jiu-Jitsu and Other Stuff
13. March / Moving On is Acceptance
12. March / Be Relentless: Eliminate the Poison in Your Life
11. March / Love is Compromise–Not Submission
10. March / Courage and Compassion-but first self esteem!
09. March / I Am Your Biggest Fan- I Am Your Mother
08. March / Heartfelt Apologies- A Beginning, Not an End to a Conversation
07. March / Instead of Focusing on Rejection
06. March / I Am Not Just Raising Boys
04. March / Eff Socializing and Small Talk-if it is not for you
02. March / Take Time for Creativity
01. March / I Will Be Changed But Not Reduced
28. February / Money-Not the Problem, Not the Solution
28. February / Fascinating and Affirming Article on Narcissism and Gas-lighting
27. February / Wake The Fuck Up
26. February / The Games Continue
25. February / Kindness v. Friendliness
24. February / Speak Your Heart – Listeners Will Listen
23. February / We Are Only As Sick As Our Secrets
22. February / Being Heard v. Being Erased
20. February / It is not Impossible, but UNpossible
18. February / Bless Them, Change Me
17. February / Lord of the Flies- Yikes
16. February / Valentines Day Perfection- Until….
13. February / Paying it Forward
12. February / Insanity is…
10. February / Feelings are not Facts
03. February / Sadness- Part of the Healing Process
02. February / Building and Destroying Trust
01. February / My Dog and I are Both Canaries
31. January / When Your Mother Is Just Not That Into You
30. January / GPS Your Heart
27. January / Together We Rise–Yes We Do
25. January / Knowing and Using Our Power for Good
20. January / Why Lie?
18. January / Let’s Talk About Sex-Please
17. January / True Perfection
17. January / Happy People are Kind
16. January / On Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body
12. January / Boundaries are for Badasses
12. January / Problem v. Unpleasant Fact
10. January / Prayer Works!
06. January / When People Show Us Who They Are
05. January / Faithful Living in 2017- Day 3
02. January / A New Day-New Strengths
01. January / 2017 Best Practices for Self-Love

2016 (46)

29. December / I Choose to Share, Heal, Expand-I Write the Ending
27. December / Letter to Mom
26. December / Letter To Self
24. December / Saying Ouch
23. December / AMEN
21. December / BadAss Friends
20. December / Most Wonderful Time of the Yeeeeear
19. December / Safe Distance is not Non-love
18. December / Even The Broken Clock is Right Twice a Day
16. December / What We Focus on Grows
14. December / No is a complete sentence.
11. December / Love is kind-right?
10. December / Go Where The Love Is
09. December / Inside Jokes and Situational Nicknames
08. December / Get Back Up! (again)
07. December / Holiday Performances-Broken Enough to Feel, Foolish Enough to Share
07. December / Silence- Not Equal to Peace and Grace
06. December / Today is Difficult
05. December / Love a Promise, Not an Emotion
04. December / Fearless Authenticity-I Heart the Dowager
03. December / Kindness Comes from the Kind-hearted
02. December / Courage and Vulnerability
01. December / What Is Love?
30. November / Loyalty
29. November / Silence
29. November / A Narcissist’s Prayer
27. November / Golden Memories
26. November / The Key
25. November / Best Day Ever
24. November / Thanksgiving Thoughts for Those Contemplating No Contact
22. November / Big Heart–Big Boundaries
20. November / Happy? Birthday
19. November / Greasy Hair and Furry Legs
18. November / Even the Best of Us
16. November / What Is Needed…
16. November / THERE YOU ARE….BORROWED FROM MOMASTERY-BLOG BY GLENNON DOYLE MELTON
14. November / We Write Our Own Endings-Brené Brown
13. November / Finding My Voice-and my lil pink axe
12. November / Unlearning-One Day at a Time
11. November / This Is How–Augusten Burroughs
10. November / Emotional Experience, Real, Though Not Universal
07. September / Forgiveness
21. August / WBA-Terminology
15. August / Big Effen Surrender
01. June / Fearless Humor–Only a BadAss Would Own this Thinking
18. April / Absolute Authenticity Has Its Price

2015 (5)

06. August / BadAss Lil Warrior
31. May / GOD’s Grace
25. May / Love is the Answer
20. May / Different Kinds of Love
18. April / What We Model for Our Children…

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Words to LIVE By

Who you spend your time with will have a great impact on what kind of life you live. Spend time with the right people.
— Joel Osteen (@JoelOsteen) November 19, 2016

Home
About Wholesome Badass

Home
About Wholesome Badass