The “feelings are not facts” words do not tell me not to feel major grief and anger. Can’t get around those. It is the myriad of continuous flying feelings that hit me one after another, that need to be squelched. Like today. My feelings are like those tiny bugs that travel in packs and filling my eyes, nose and mouth. Those do not need tending to individually.
Just breathe deep and let go…and let go and let go. I can do this- as many times as it takes. Letting go is for Badasses and totally wholesome. So is deep breathing, and still–completely unnatural for me. My upbringing taught me to hold my breath and hold on for life; denied feelings and white knuckles as proof of strength and caring. I am grateful for better tools and means for showing I care. Brut force is not a type of strength that inspires or directs me and does not work even on the tiniest of gnats. I will not be bullied anymore. Similarly, I will no longer bully in the ways which I once did. Letting go of the illusion of power– of others or even me over myself is a beautiful and much needed reprieve.
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