I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.
But if I go where the love is, I will have no-one. Maybe time to redefine love? Maybe rephrase to “Go where the kindness is”?? Possibly, it is better to be alone than to be treated as less than.
I will practice kindness to myself today, and others. It is very unnatural to feel kind and afraid and worthless all at once.
Low self esteem;my souvenir from a narcissistic mother–the gift that never stops giving.