Big Heart–Big Boundaries
Most of my life, I have wished for the ability to Act As If…
Being intensely feeling in an insensitive world does have a priceless upside: Informed and compassionate, I support my older son (S1) who is also highly sensitive with neurological differences making him more vulnerable to sensory input as well as emotional energy. Atypical wiring holds our Limbic Systems at full throttle 24/7 . A constant state of “fight or flight” causes fatigue, and lessens resilience to stress. In my family, two of the kinder labels for this, were difficult and thin-skinned.
Without familiarity, I would be unable, perhaps unwilling to protect and empathize as children deserve. S1 becomes emotional over perceived unfairness or unkindness occurring in those subtle and hard to name ways. His large reaction can steal the show and focus might be directed at teaching shaming him into gaining control of himself–purely to avoid punishment. With little inquiry or action around understanding the subtle or mistaken “offense”.
Whatever the offense, it will go dismissed unaddressed by those not wired to understand. Granted, there are times where he is overtired and ove
r-reacting…but not always the case. He recognizes the difference and we get to laugh later when he is ready to share without shame, that he was too tired to cope and had decomposed into crazy cryer. Demonstrating how it is real and ok to be sensitive allows him to know when it is necessary to seek serenity and safety (more…)
Hello Friends, Last month, my Darling stumped me with “So…what do you want for your birthday?”.
For so long, I might only shave my legs or wear good undies, outfit, or make up if I were to be seen by “someone good”. Sad but true. Now, I choose these things for me, for my own self-care. Self care is unnatural for me. So much easier to neglect myself. I’m no longer motivated by the opinions of those once who wish to hand down their judgment or favor. Big News—the judgers do not have what I need. Their opinions are not my business and I need not turn to them to see where I stand. I don’t need permission to take good care of myself and I don’t do it at them. I have learned to do it because it is responsible and satisfying. I am amused by my bragging of allowing my hairS to become greasy, my legs to go from prickly- to furry, to those who need to judge.
In my life I can’t help but marvel at the grim, if not blind determination to force people places and things to BE different from how 
they are. This behavior is typically paired with barely contained rage or smugness, dependent on the outcome.