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Boundaries are for Badasses

http://nickandzuzu.comRecovery invites me to have, recognize, and honor boundaries.  Boundaries- my spiritual skin.  I am naturally permeable and so without them everything gets right in and consumes me-leaving me full with other people’s information and needs, no mental space left for God or even for myself, only a need to invade someone else.  My spiritual skin keeps me as me and you as you, protecting us all from the confusion of entanglement. I would describe my affiliations with my ex-husband and my family of origin as entanglements that formed before I developed boundaries– and as a consequence, died natural deaths in response to this spiritual development.
My boundaries are dictated by my needs, limits, responsibilities, and desires.  Desire, I may elect to willingly flex.  I will forfeit my preference for the sake of compromise with others whom are also inclined.  My needs, limits, and responsibilities will be attended to.   If I don’t see to them, who will?  Our boundaries are our operating systems and when two people’s operating systems are in conflict, that is evidence of incompatibility.  I feel blessed to have found someone whose operating system is compatible with my own, even complimentary.  

Here: Brene Brown shares on boundary setting.

BEWARE-people struggling with control issues, narcissism or untreated addiction will be agitated by clear boundaries that fail to properly revere them.  When they can’t knock down your boundaries, they will try to knock you down.   Boundary knocking and people knocking is bad and very assy.  THE UPSIDE: Boundaries will keep those who love you in your life and those who love control, well…. your boundaries will fuel their passive aggression and they will require some space to work themselves out.

Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

2 Replies to “Boundaries are for Badasses”

  1. Nick G. is genius. Maybe I will write him and ask that he coach me. Why isn’t this taught in school? I did not exactly know what “it” was until now that had me so caught up in the axle that I couldn’t live my life right. This has given me a lot to consider about how I want to live my life, and if it is even possible.

    Very badass, I am not.

  2. Bigsleep,
    You are so Badass for being able to own it and laugh about it. Humility and humor are the height of Badassery. We are all learning, works in progresses. The biggest news to me was that boundaries are things I set for myself, not rules regarding my expectations of others. For example, I don’t get to claim a boundary to regulate others, only to regulate myself, what I am willing to do or submit myself to. That is all I get to regulate. Odd that this is frustrating to those feeling entitled to manage and control what I do with myself and for myself.
    Please keep coming back and learning with me.

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