“I will not pretend to feel what I do not feel or to want what I do not want. I can only learn to love myself if I am willing to learn who I am.(….) I may not choose to act on those feelings or desires, but I won’t hide them from myself.” I will not deny parts of myself for the comfort of others any more than I will await permission to feel my feelings and meet my needs. I finally understand what it means to give away power and am no longer willing because I am learning to do better. Powerful women choose love and serenity. I haaated it when people would say “Don’t be so quick to give away your power.” I had no idea what that meant or how NOT to. Contraction and explosive rage were what we practiced in our home. Contraction to suit others and explosive or passive-aggressive rage when it seemed impossible to contract tightly enough.
For some, contraction is a way of life and they require it of others and are quick to retaliate at those who do not. I am raising two lil expansive and self-actualized lovers and seekers of elevation, expansion….authentic connection.
My boys and I revisited the topic of Sex (which I now see is actually more to do with Love/Intimacy/Respect): On Saturday, S2’s casual and uninformed use of the word gay was the perfect segue. When asked about the meaning of gay, he did not know. We discussed how we all feel individual preferences. Who and what we love and prefer is our business and is a problem–only if it is harmful (PS-displeasing to others does not equal harmful). Some people feel anger and mistreat others when they sense crushes or connections that don’t consider them. So, we shall be careful with whom we share with our hearts. I am grateful for S2’s comment on the day of Our Women’s March-and his Badass curiosity and willingness to fully engage conversations like this.
It was clear that many marchers were NOT female, poor, “gay“, muslim, black, disabled, or immigrants– AND yet they marched– in support of human rights for all: mental and physical health, education, marriage, and jobs….peacefully rejecting the opposition to equality and community. Upset millions marching in peace, for love. If children are to stand up for love, they must first feel safe enough to explore, discover, EXPRESS and practice self-love and self-acceptance, mindfully honoring all of whom they are, when safe to do so, with full knowledge that there will be risk of reprisal from those who choose control over connection. They will learn to know when it feels necessary and safe to do so.
I am not wild about our new leader, but I am excited about a more clear picture of the two camps. Those who believe in and speak up for human rights for all and those who do not. This feels more honest and hopeful than the division by wealth, color, status, country of origin….He has united us. Thank you, Donald.
The quote/excerpt at the beginning comes from Al-Anon Courage to Change January 24.Whenever I need an immediate fix of recovery literature I go here.
I totally agree. As a professor, I was never comfortable with an authoritarian style. One of the main reasons I liked teaching in NC more than NY is students gave me respect… it was mine to lose if I behaved disrespectfully, but that didn’t happen. I do not associate with those who want me to prove myself
Cheryl,
I don’t know how or when you were able to learn that way of being. Who gave you permission and access to thinking that way? You are one WBAMFer!
Thank you for being here and for weighing in. Too many of us are not allowed to love or respect ourselves. Thank goodness for unlearning and open conversations that allow us to be free to share and not prove or beg for worth.
Big Love!
WBA
Love this. I always feel like I’m giving away my power when I engage someone who’s not capable of having a real conversation. I try so hard to rise above, but I slip every once in awhile.
Elizabeth!
I don’t know about rising above. But detachment is the only solution I have found that works for me, leaving feel in tact and safe. I will think of a single sentence and no matter what is said, I respond with that sentence or nothing at all. It is too easy to get sucked back in. So familiar, like a perfectly fitting glove, that way of engaging. I often have to say to my ex, “I cannot contribute to this conversation right now in a way that will be wholesome. We will have to revisit.” Click. I love it! I still do the rehearsal and battle in my head but I let my behavior set the boundary for me.
Thanks for weighing in! Well said: “a real conversation”. You are 100% WBA. Teach me, Elizabeth.