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Paying it Forward

This post was prompted by one of the volunteer Jiu Jitsu instructors gifting Gi pants to each of my sons.  When I asked if I could pay him the next day, with more grace and ease than I am accustomed to, he responded:  “Absolutely not, just pay it forward”.  What a BADASS!

In my family of origin(FOO) we are vexed by brittle and unspeakable resentments for broken, secret emotional contracts. A result of differing ideas about paying and being paid back for agreements that have not been knowingly or mutually entered by all parties.  So, if you have less or need more, you OWE for life.  I do not abide.

Because of my spiritual program, I now understand that my freely and humbly giving service to someone with less connects me to the world and life of my choosing.  Paying it forward without expectation and  recognition heals and connects me to God, myself, and others.  Connection and Paying it forward are BadAss.  Needing recognition and repayment and credit…not so much.   Love is for paying forward!

For mutually contracted deals, payback is the expectation, different from wholesome gifts and gestures.

Trying to earn worthiness and alleviate shame of feeling indebted is not love or goodness. It is void of generosity and kindness.  That thinking is sick bondage and entanglement – I am unlearning it One Day at a Time.  Today, I will pay it forward by……

 

 

 

Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

One Reply to “Paying it Forward”

  1. Well, ultimately, your life does depend upon stalking God successfully. S/He has weird motives, but whatever they are, s/he positively wants us to want them that bad. So keep it up, girl.

    Sometimes I forget to, and then something strange will happen, either something really good or something really bad, or just unexpected or unforeseeable.

    So keep stalking. There is no legal penalty for stalking God.

    Love you, Little BadAss
    JJ

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