I Am Your Biggest Fan- I Am Your Mother

Me to S1, who is losing his shit over irritating behavior of S2:  S1, Is it possible you are over re-acting?  S2 is being insensitive, AND maybe your reaction could be less intense?

S1: It is possible.

We are learning to gradually feel and acknowledge our feelings rather than going straight to reactive anger and escalation. I relate and am not unaware of how much abusers can get away with when their target’s over-the-top reaction steals all attention away from any unfairness which is taking place. Saying “ouch” or “stop”  incorrectly comes with a big ticket.

Random Treasured Exchanges:

S1: Mommy, What will you make for dinner tonight?

Me: How about grilled shrimp?

S1 with genuine joy in his voice:  Yay. Your shrimp are tasty!  Are they the large or the small ones?

Me: Large, of course

S1:  Sigh of peace♥

I treasure his choice of  the word “tasty”.  His uniqueness and innocence are brilliant!

Before school, Me to S2:  Time to brush teeth

S2:  Ok

Me, 15 minutes later, teeth still unbrushed:  How is that tooth-brushing going? (Translation AYFKM-do it already)

S2: I am still processing.

Me: Brush your effing teeth. NOW.

S2:  Ok

Kills me.  Each day, when I remember to stay present, I am better able to focus on their innocence and just be love, no matter what.  And when I am deep into future worries and rehearsals or in the past rehashing and regretting, I miss out on much of their magic.  I love waking them gently in the morning and reading them to sleep.  That they love it too makes my heart feel something like achey, though maybe not best word.  It is just immense and miraculous-perhaps joy.  My sons are 100% Wholesome and Badass.  Courageous, Honest, Caring, Faithful, and funny as shit!

Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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  1. Trish

    Beautiful ❤️

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