Without spiritual recovery, I would still be trying to MAKE people, places and things be different from how they are. Irresponsible, childish, and damaging; attempting to be a God of sorts-very unwholesome, this I am unlearning and changing. In spiritual recovery, I am maturing emotionally, learning to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can. I cannot change a person’s behavior or attitude anymore than I can change the weather. However, I still have choices about where I place myself and to whom and what I get close to. I will accept that you “do/say that” and that it hurts me. Not a problem to solve; an unpleasant fact to accept.
For me acceptance does not begin with a feeling, it begins with me choosing behavior that demonstrates cooperation with a fact of reality, typically an unpleasant fact. For now, acceptance is a practice. Behaviors and attitudes are for changing, not other people. Detachment with love is for people whom I wish all the best and whose attitudes and behaviors are disrespectful and diminishing. I will totally love you– from over here. You don’t have to change a thing. You be you and I’ll be me….love that James Bay song. Let it Go. Letting Go is for Badasses. White Knuckles—umm, not so much.
Magda- Is it ok if I call you that? Much of what I read here feels similar t my life but I never thought of anyone in my life as mentally ill or an addict. Though, if I look closely, I know there are people whose mental health and need for daily substance use has affected me. I don’t know what it means to detach with love or to let other people be, even when the way they live in general conflicts with what I want in my life.
I want to recover my spirit. I know it has been lost and that I too lost the ability to live my life,very early on as I was consumed by just trying to be or look as if I were ok. This awareness hurts but feels like the beginning of something. Thank you for sharing your story. Where do I start? How did you begin your process of spiritual recovery. What does that even mean?
Jenn
Jenn, I’m sure WBA will chime in. But: here’s the awesome thing!! By becoming aware of the problem…..you’re already on your way! ? In order to solve a problem you have to first see that there Is a problem. Many of us have lived blindly, dealing with Others mistreating us, whether they be substance addicts or not, without even acknowledging our own mistreatment…. or worse, ignoring and accepting it. You’re worth more than that, and I say Good For You for seeing and acknowledging even though IT IS difficult. As WBA would say, acknowledging is for Badasses
G-
You rule for stepping in and saying exactly what I would have. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge…and we have been programmed since birth to accept bullshit and deny problems and surrender our right and power to change the things we can!
Let’s change the things we can. Together. One day at a time.
Hey Jenn,
For me spiritual recovery was a discovery I made when I filed for divorce from someone whose use of substances, though not extreme, was a daily requirement. I had just read Mary Karr’s Memoir, Lit. I totally related to her pain and inner dialog and fell in love wither description of her recovery process in AA. Since I was not an alcoholic, I found a different 12 Step program to help me and had no clue what it was about, having never known anyone in a 12 Step program. I thought the Big Book was the Bible. I thought it was religion. anyway, since these programs rely on anonymity and discourage promotion, I can share more about that with you in an email. If you want to hear specifics, please email me at [email protected]. I am happy to share more about this thing called “spiritual recovery, which for me, has been a way to re-parent myself and learn what I might have learned in a healthier family system.
Big love. Thank you for the conversation. We cannot do it any other way. Sharing and listening is key.
Magda!