Shaming and Blaming–Not Welcome Here

I think I do an okay job many days of being faithful and kind and fiercely loyal and protective of my relationships with my sons, which is to to say that sometimes I don’t just lose my shit completely.  I always always own when I have reacted poorly and assure them that they in no way ever deserve to be screamed at or spoken to as if they are bad or unworthy.  Sadly, their innocence may get compromised when I have to explain that I am working hard to unlearn things that were practiced in my home, things I experienced daily and then took out into the world.  Yelling, accusing, blaming, shaming, (fortunately shunning never became a practice of mine(with them))  I am learning kinder ways of being in the world right along side them.  Motherhood teaches and requires me to learn all that I have been desperate to know and to feel.  God bless, my sons for having to teach both parents so much. If they maintain their #selflove and #brotherlylove and #loyalty ?, then I have done my job, not perfectly but with  total success.   They belong to each other.  God entrusted them to me for however long we have.  They are not my property or my belongings.  We are family.  We love each other….love the verb.  We share the values of kindness, loyalty, humility, authenticity.  We stick close to those who are similar in principals.  I am not just their mother, I am their greatest fan and supporter.

 

Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.