As one who is not social, I choose social media to seek connection with others who relate. No matter how much friends and BF love me, they have vastly un-similar family experiences. On Social Media, I exercise my voice, words, and confusion of otherwise alienating experiences in order to connect with others doing the work of recovery. (more…)
Destroying children and families is not normal, I would argue. Triangulating with an ex husband and building a relationship on shared contempt for your “sister” is not fucken normal. No matter what. And this is just one of the observable acts. They used to have me convinced A) This is how things are handled by those in charge. and B) I deserve to be treated poorly and should shut up. I could not. I screamed. Raged. Drank. Binged. Purged. You name it. I lost my mind trying to get right with some shit that is 100% not right. And I took that thinking and way of being into the world. My refusal to tolerate or engage as they do unleashed the full undeniable wrath. For too long it was denied. As the only evidence of any problem was my inability to cope with things to which I did not consent and could not reject. I was a disaster. Terrified. Angry. Distraught. My recovery has illuminated our irreconcilable differences. Deep sigh. I am intentional in communicating to my sons that there is nothing normal about what is happening and that it is not ok or their (my sons’) fault or responsibility. While they must please their father to survive, they are welcome to express their true feelings to me. He has no regard for their discomfort and the feelings they have sitting at a table with people who openly behave in ways that hurt their mother and do not speak of it or her. WTF? Fuck eggshells and big elephants in the room. We share our truths here. We talk about those elephants and that eggshells are the things that people are too afraid to speak of. And together, we have nothing to fear…maybe that is why they wanted to divide us from each other. The legacy of abuse stops here. I will not quietly stand by while they are thrown into insane shark tank to eat or be eaten to sink or to swim.
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People inquire: “Aren’t you afraid people will think you’re angry, impossible, and insane?” And the truth is many people have thought that about me, and for years I was those things from having not learned how to navigate such trouble waters. My family relied on me reacting poorly to abuse, with insanity, so they 
could justify being abusive. Even if I am, does that make it ok to destroy my co-parenting relationship and to alienate my children? I do not think so. Now that I do not scream, swear, or threaten in response to being bullied, they are left only with their own behavior to contemplate…if they were capable or willing. I stopped offering the gift of distraction with my outrageous reactions, years ago. I learned to say No. Period. It was the beginning of the end. (more…)
Stonewalling is a tactic commonly used by bullies wanting to control, humiliate, and frustrate a target who attempts to resolve a conflict through reasonable discussion or negotiation. Accusations of mental…
http://www.janeclapp.com/attachment-deficiencies-and-emotional-hunger/ Living with lack of safe and secure attachment means we look for it until we find it. And, when we are particularly hungry due to lack of attachment food,…
Definition of amen (this is highly relevant) —used to express solemn ratification (as of an expression of faith) or hearty approval (as of an assertion) Dear Maggie, I don’t…
Aaaah Sweet Enlightenment
… after having grown up being told people cause other people’s bad behavior…but not their good behavior. My recovery teaches me otherwise and this quote perfectly reflects recent encounters and connections I have had with people whom I was unkind to…before I knew better. ((( Before learning healthy ways of working through difficult feelings and managing myself– rather than wasting my efforts and will to become worthy of non-abuse connection with the people I was counting on.))) (more…)
So many people get judged when they refuse to put their pain away. They get judged for showing it, for speaking it, for insisting on sharing their memories of abuse…
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