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Happy Birthday

Eddie Murphy is the man. Sober AF and still Funny as hell.

I adore Eddie Murphy and may celebrate later by watching Coming to America or Beverly Hills Cop.  Laughter is key and I have found that unless I can be free to cry around you, I will never deeply laugh with you or enjoy or want sex with you.  Wholesome laughter, for me, seems the height of intimacy, laughing at things that do not diminish others.  While this meme may seem distasteful to some, it is just plain silly, mocking ignorance, itself.  I think it would only agitate those deep into being perceived as politically correct, while failing to make the distinction between PC and morally upright.  Just saaayin.

Anyhoo-Birthdays have always been difficult, not because I am concerned with my age, but because I have always felt the pressure to suddenly transform into this person that I am not:   social, upbeat, grateful for shit I do not want in place of stuff I need, happy to be surrounded by people who show no signs of giving a genuine fuck about me 364, and don’t mind serving me foods I dislike past my dinner time-in honor of me.

What I am grateful for is my ability to laugh and cry with my trusted others for all of the days of the year. I am grateful to have people in my life who truly know and want me, exactly as I am, even the prickly parts.

I hope to not receive weird cards in my mailbox from people who consistently discount my right to serenity and wholeness. Holiday sentiments in that form are unwelcome reminders of all that is not. I have enough of those. #thanksbutnothanks

For my birthday, I have special lunch and dinner plans and I will treat myself well by scheduling my mammogram and annual gyno appt (because having that task ticked off the list will feel freeing), by cleaning my home to the standard I wish for it to be. I have already ordered myself a fancy bra, that promises to fit perfectly and will treat myself to a manicure. Recovery teaches me how to practice appropriate self care. It is so unnatural to me, but today, I will do things that are good for me with people who are good for me. I will eat what my body needs when it needs to be fed and I will spend time alone, because my wiring requires that I do so. I will be free from anyone who dares to challenge or judge that.

Because life is both too long and #lifeistooshort for anything other.  Happy Birthday to me!

 

Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.