PSA–Match.com Works When You are Honest
The right one will know all of your weaknesses and never use them against you.
I have been meaning to share this experience now, for a while. Not only because of the immense pleasure it gives me but because I feel it might be of service to anyone still looking for authentic connection online. In late 2015, I posted a profile on Match.com after moving back East. Disturbingly, my ex husband appeared as my first match. Actually, it was funny, and at the time we were still friendly and working well together (dun dun dunnnn….before my sister’s campaign). (more…)
So, over lunch, I conducted a survey on my sons and their friends, a highly evolved bunch….of course. I asked: “If you were at school and there were only two plates being served for lunch: 1) highly popular but not what you like and 2) an offering of something far less popular, maybe even unusual (They suggested swordfish) which you liked. What do you choose? You would be seated at the table only with others who chose the same food selection as you.” Brilliant response were as follows: 
I know what I bring to the table. So, trust me when I say: I am not afraid to eat alone. Sitting at a well set table positioned precariously atop decades of eggshells (unresolved issues) is something I do not choose. Submitting myself to that energy renders me physically and mentally unwell. Gathering for meals or “special occasions” should not feel awful. Right? 
Birthday sentiments to my female sibling who believes that being grossed out by sex is the same as being a lady. And who speaks of being phobed about by lesbians(a-hem) and worries constantly that she looks like one. I found the perfect card for you. Also, Thank you for getting born. If not for you, and wanting you to love ?me so badly, I would never have married someone just like you??And I would not have my two sons. 
While our Memorial Day weekend was lovely in the simplest of ways, I, not so silently, mourn the reality of my “family” situation. They– are more situational than family. ( hahaha) But seriously, special days are now, a new kind of hard. My ex-husband and I worked beautiful healing miracles after our lengthy and litigious divorce, to move our family cross country, together. My motivation for this post: Invitation to bbq at my best friend’s home caused me sadness, sad that asking my ex to join is no longer appropriate. 
connection, wholeness, peace, and kindness of people who value me. I no longer doubt and dislike myself enough to subject myself to the painful brand of love-and I have for now stopped begging for it to be different, with my family of origin. Without self-love, I was willing to come around, to dine with people who name call and behave in ways which are diminishing to me- creating unnecessary hardship and loss of innocence for my children. I realize how I came to marry my children’s father, emotionally and morally vacant, concerned primarily with appearances. Not knowing what being loved and nurtured felt like, I chose more of what I knew. As I have recovered; learned what it means to offer, receive, and welcome wholesome love and nurturing, I no longer tolerate or take blame for others whose behaviors and words I experience as foul.