No, But This Time I Mean It
I intend to end this year of insanity, by allowing my mother's recent passing to mark the end of my active attachment to a system which has collectively rejected me…
Clear Boundaries are not Grudges
Omg. I woke up thinking about exactly this. How holding a clear and healthy boundary, within my family of origin(and marriage) gets labelled “holding a grudge”. Hellooo ??? It’s not…
Are You My Mother?
To state that my feelings about and reasons for attending yesterday's service for my mother are messy and confusing, is an understatement. At this moment, this is what I am able…
Our Mother Who Art in Heaven
Dear Mother, You must be pleased that I married someone emotionally and morally similar to you and to my sister? And equally contented that YOUR family shows unyielding loyalty to…
Social Media for Abuse Awareness
People say don't use social media to post your personal problems. I use social media to post about abuse because it is a social problem. I am taking all necessary…
Pills That are Hard to Swallow
Trying to surrender my current prayer of “Make it fucken stop” for “PLEASE ?? Help me become willing to accept the things I cannot change and to just love the hell out…
BUT WHY THO—Dear Mom
I have never, not ever, not once in 50 years had a moment of resolution with my mother or sister in which each of the people own their contributions to…
Rest In Peace
Yesterday, overly tired from waking at 4am, unable to return to sleep. I ruined myself from 4-8am, with recycled, if not hysterical thoughts of my older son and the cloud hung…
Fake Peace
I am grateful (though broken hearted) that I was able to tell my older son (S1) and his father, in no
uncertain terms, that I would not participate a shared birthday celebration together with dad, as things currently are–that things may still change and how sorry I am for the pain which this causes. His father and I are at a place where I have asked him to do pick ups from outside our home until he chooses to communicate responsibly and fairly with me regarding logistics for shared responsibilities.(You may not enter my home and place of rest if you cannot be counted on for the most basic consideration and integrity.)Needless complexity is unwelcome. It is not a lot to ask. “If you are going to be late, early, or deviate from the plan in a way that affects us, please let me know.” But, nope. This is literally identical to the fall out with my sister. Her response to this was to circumvent me to gain access to my children and bond with my ex who is similarly vexed. Consideration is reserved strictly for those who are useful to them. (more…)
This Is Not My Kingdom
Today's service centered around Pilate and Jesus: Kingdoms in Conflict. John 18:33 - 18:37(quite possibly incorrectly notated-whatev) I begin by declaring that: I, in no way, assert any likeness, of…
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