Ambition or Denial

Ambition or Denial

I have never, not ever, properly disposed of old batteries, yet I collect them and store them as if I might.  I do not want them in landfills destroying our children’s earth nor I do not want them clogging up an entire kitchen drawer.   As for my ridiculous freezer collection of blackened bananas– I have made fresh banana bread exactly twice in my life.  Once though, I did make some no-cook protein balls using oats, dates, walnuts, and overripe bananas.  In true addict fashion, I devoured the entire tray in one sitting  standing and then felt ill and needed a nap.  Shockingly, I  have not since felt compelled to make the no-cook balls.   WTF?  Who does this?  I want the bananas and batteries taken care of.

I do not like the options: to dispose of them, promptly and properly, use them or keep on collecting and pretending.  Being honest about these patterns of behavior is not easy.  I definitely am finding more proof of denial and apathy than genuine ambition.  The struggle is real.

Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.