Monthly Archives: July 2018

Today, my sweet boys embark on their first week ever, of sleep away camp- away from mom, dad, and each other.  What I feel even more acutely than my anxiety,…

A friend of mine, whose family of origin experience is frightfully similar, has just learned, second-hand, of her mother's passing.  Her mother, throughout her life, consistently NOT chose her...  In…

Surprisingly, it was a very good day.   I forced myself to go sweat it out in the yard, pruning, mowing, weeding.  I always feel better when I do something…

The more I try to outrun (debating whether lying on the couch or in my bed is considered outrunning) the pain, the less I am able to experience laughter and…

I don’t recall much of life before children, only that I was miserable and treated myself poorly because that is all I knew …that I was undeserving and unworthy of comfort, connection, peace, joy.  Those things remained foreign, inaccessible–reserved for the worthy. (more…)

In the past year, I have noted consistently how my low blood sugar either triggers or mimics anxiety for me.  I feel ill much of the time, the way I…

How I wished I would have been a nice kid.  Kindness and humility were neither natural nor modeled for me.  I was scared shitless, constantly--with no healthy coping skills.  I…

I don’t really get it.  How is it ever better for relationships and trust, to rely on indirect communication for genuine understanding of needs, wants, desires, feelings?  I seriously hate that shit… It is only acceptable to me, when done with someone whom I trust and we get to call it out and laugh about it-TOGETHER.  That is the whole point of relationships, right–the together part?  Connection?

When something feels unpleasant, unfair, or upsetting, what is wrong with: “Hey, I don’t like that or that makes me uncomfortable”?  Is it too vulnerable, maybe presenting the other person a chance to honestly show you what matters more, your comfort or them getting to do the thing they are doing?  Or is it some statement of imperfection or defectiveness to have a need or to feel uncomfortable?  And so what if it is?  I may never get this.

Here are some fun examples of playfully indirect communication with Greg, as we mutually value and rely on direct communication.  With sensory issues through the roof, I experience the sound quality of iPhone speaker, even on low volume, to be stressful.  So, when he elects to listen to a video or podcast using speaker,  I laugh and say “Hey, want to borrow my earbuds?”  He laughs back and says “Nah, I’m good”.  Then he grabs his earbuds and we laugh and smooch.  Intentionally indirect communication would be me throwing a face, sighing deeply, expecting him to KNOW and revere my discomfort, or to ask me what is wrong.  So I could be all: “nothing”, resenting him for not being a mind reader who knows and loves me as completely as I deserve…. and then becoming cold and withdrawn for an incalculable amount of time, while escalating tension by denying any issue at all. (more…)