Cycle Breaking–and the Fall Out

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Cycle Breaking–and the Fall Out

From Liz Earnshaw (Click anywhere on this post to read more from her): There is a phenomenon in families known as homeostasis (really, in any group of people , but I’ll stick to families here).

Families seek to maintain the “organization” they’re accustomed to. They are driven to maintain functioning as it’s always been – whether the functioning is good or bad.

When the status quo is interrupted then other members cannot function “smoothly” – I.e. when you change or set a boundary then they can no longer run on their same hamster wheel and that means they have to figure out how else to run and most people don’t feel up to finding new ways to do things… so instead they fight you… hard… to get back on their hamster wheel.

This is one of the biggest reasons people end up giving up on their boundaries or their new way of being in relation to their families – the fight a family puts up against your change is POWERFUL.

It can result in being cut out, shamed, shunned, gossiped about, threatened, etc, etc. and this is really really hard.

So, if you’re experiencing this you’re not alone. It’s common *and* that doesn’t make it okay. It is still painful and difficult and exhausting.

Continue to focus on your goal of keeping yourself healthy and safe and remind yourself that the power of a family wanting to regain “homeostasis” is strong, but you’re stronger.

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Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.