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Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me

I am still obssessed with the toxic and commonly held sentiments (not specifically aimed at me, just in general) and messaging of: You are the last, the least and the lowest: inferior and undeserving. Do not expect change and do not ask for more. If you are excluded, it is ONLY because you do not have what it takes. When people are diminished and forced to the margins, they have only gotten what they deserve and were asking for. They will just have to GET OVER IT.

I am currently reading Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me) and I just cannot even…

The pathology of abusing, lying, and deflecting responsibility for doing damage is rampant and nearly normalized. It is unrealistic to expect abusers to acknowledge or take responisiblity, to apologize or to make amends.  The greater the effort to call for accountability, the more they will blame others for their own actions, while at the same time denying their actions. And then wonder —why can’t they get over it yet?

Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweet Greg. I wished I were already healed and ooozing with joy and pink hearts on this day. I am still me. Healing. Recovering. Exhausted. Thank you for loving me. Being loved and treated unconditionally with kindness and acceptance is still unnatural and even uncomfortable, for me. Even after 5 beautiful years. I am a work in progress.

Thank you for accepting that depression and PTSD do not break for special occasions.

Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.