If I choose to confront something currenlty taking place, which I percieve as worthy of addressing– and a person attempts to shut me down or divert attention to something from the past, intended to silence me, I now understand that: There is literally no where to go, no reasonable conversation to be expected with someone who feels entitled to use, dominate, or diminish another person— and who’s only tools for managing discord are denial and passive aggression. Facing conflicts directly and being able to work toward resolution rather than victory and domination, is wholesome and badass. Refusal to acknowledge or discuss conflicts is just bad and assy. Winning and losing are for races, games, and wars, and not sustainable and safe relationships.
What a relief to have been freed from the shame of the unfortunate ways in which I handled pain and conflict, prior to the teachings of recovery. Regretful, of course. But ashamed–nope– Not even a little. I would however feel deeply ashamed if I were still doing and saying the things–and then also defending them or blaming someone else for my choice of words and actions.
