How have I provided good input for my children? Who, in my child’s life is a reliable source for good input (consistently kind, considerate, trustworthy, loyal, present, protective, loving)…intentionally contributing to strong senses of trust, hope, belonging, confidence?
When it is communicated that: what a child/person thinks/experiences/sees/needs/feels is not real or valued, this is bad input. Continual bad input from people in positions of authority, compromises potential for development of creativity, confidence, hope, the ability to persevere and connect in healthy and sustainable ways. Communicating to a child any version of: “Not only are you incorrect about what you are seeing and feeling, you are bad for perceiving it that way AND for failing to hide it." is super fucked up.
When children learn to distrust and dislike themselves for their own perceptions and then also assume responsibility for the scary reactions by their adults, it stands to reason that they may give up on the idea that it is within their power to live a better life.
To expect or get our children to defer to us exclusively for TRUTH, may feel (for a narcissist) like a success: to have(posesss and control) children who do, feel, say, and like, only as directed—but in my experience and estimation, it is a tragedy – a nasty cycle worth breaking.
I witness the cycle begging to repeat itself with one of my sons and his father, who feels deeply offended and disrespected by anyone daring to openly differ. To a narcissist, one who does anything but smile favorably, agree, approve, admire, is an enemy– to be punished and eliminated. Because: When you are not making the narcissist feel good and important, you are (in their minds, opposing them) making them feel bad and this angers them.
The shame his father means to heap upon our son while favoring the other and creating division between brothers is familiar(literally—of the family) and vile. So grateful that my son has the option to safely share with a counsellor, Favorite, Sweet Greg, and me, the truth of his experiences.
As parents, we can be unknowing sources of bad input. Especially when we limit ourselves to doing only what we learned, know, and have always practiced, a generational curse. Foooooock, our sons have one parent who absolutley denies their own struggles, failures, hard feelings, and unwholesome contributions, while the other heads straight to the center of it- and remains there, in despair- a pathetic effort to prove the reality of the pain rather than just healing from IT and moving tf on. Yikes. Poor guys. God helpem.
