I am never wrong, out of line, erring in judgment, lacking in kindness, patience, grace. It is ill advised to suggest otherwise. Nor am I responsible for my own difficulties or the pain of others. And therefore, I am not sorry. I am always the hero OR the victim. I must sense that you are impressed by me, threatened even, also charmed by me, and seeking my constant approval- desperate to avert my discontent. You will smile warmly, appear contented and unaffected in my presence. OR Else.
You shall not recall or speak of my less favorable words and choices, OR else. You will be intentional to make me look and feel good, OR else. You will not trouble me with specific needs or feelings, which are inconvenient. You are either with (in complete blind agreement and support of) me or against me. If you challenge me or even appear to hint at getting in the way of what I desire DESERVE, you will suffer.
You know the rules. Beware. I will not hesitate to come for you. I will make you pay. And then justify or deny it. Your choices either make me look good or bad. It is all about me. You– may be you, when it serves me. You will need for me to feel good, if you wish to feel safe. I will be in charge of who connects and who is separate. But… it’s your choice. I will gift and flatter you when my brain chemistry is on an upswing and criticize and shun you when It drops. You will never understand what it is you have done to earn or lose my favor. Making you responsible for my erratic moods and behavior– is the only way I can manage the pain and disappointment— of who/how I am. Your usefulness to me is your only real assurance hope for non-abuse. Again, it is up to you.
Sound familiar? Get to a meeting. Any 12 Step meeting will do. You will find help, hope, connection, truth.
