Having just returned from another week in the mountains with my new special friend, I am stunned again by my ability to spend 24/7 with another human him for days at a time– and enjoy it. The hardest part… saying goodbye. Fortunately, our next visit is 7 days away.
Together, we are enjoying that elusive state of freedom (to show up fully and exactly as we are) within deep and growing connection- a way of being which was absent for each of of us in our upbringings/families of origin. Those formative dynamics bred feelings of being both caged and untethered.
I can not know where this will go. AND- If it turns into everything- amazing(!) and if it does not, still amazing. This man (who, for now, shall remain nameless) is brilliant, sexy, hilarious, compassionate, curious, unafraid of not knowing or of being wrong or making and owning a mistake. Literally no trace of fragility – able and willing to communicate directly with full transparency and to engage an uncomfortable conversation. He makes zero effort to control, impress or manipulate others. His calm regulated, non-reactive ways are pure magic for my highly dysregulated nervous system. Who knew I could be so completely drawn to a person and also not feel panicked about possible sudden and mysterious abandonment/discard “prompted by” a thing I did or did not do or say?
Also, our shared regard for the planet, marginalized people, gun law reform, Covid, women’s rights to body autonomy(…..) rewards us with expansive conversations. I am thrilled that we each openly express what we think, feel, need, want and beliieve – and that doing so makes us closer.
The not sharing our thoughts on important matters in my previous relationship, it seems, was only slightly less divisive than if we had attempted to share about them, with a politically (highly) dissimilar person. It took time and outside help for me to realize and accept that the impact of our never shrinking political divide made our relationship both too much and not enough for me.
