Just Shut Up
The messages from my family of origin were unmistakable: "We will not show empathy or understanding for your perspective. In response to what we perceive as distortions, we will only…
I’m not angry. I’m overwhelmed.
It’s painful to recall being scolded in shaming ways during overwhelming moments: "Why are you so angry? Why are you so defensive? Why are you yelling?" I percieved but could…
Accuracy of Language
I am gradually acquiring better language as I work to heal from things which (for lack of a more precise word) I previously identified as abuse. While abusive things were…
Rupture and Repair
The culmination of sleep deprivation, chronic pain, C- PTSD , sensory overload (when in the presence of most others) can fuck heavily with my resilience and discernment. Sometimes Often my…
Breakdown or Breakthrough
Today, in rush hour traffic, I trekked uptown for a medical appointment. As an anxious and easily overwhelmed person, with a poor sense of direction, I avoid driving busy and…
National Son’s Day
Ugh, another day to grieve. Not grief that I have sons, but who they get to see me as. I wish they could have known the person I was before…
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Healing and Living
What my healing looks like: I get dysregulated and lose my shit – saying reactive and escalating things---and behaving badly. And then: I apologize and acknowledge that the immense reaction…
Truthful vs Honest
The irreparable damage of having actively engaged my children in schemes of parental alienation and betrayal of their mother, is not a thing, we as a family, have recovered from. …
Just Be Positive
I needed something from the world (which in formative years- meant my mother whom I counted on to soothe and support me) which I did not know how to ask for. I needed shelter from…
Why a Smear Campaign?
Today, my therapist asked why my sister or the boys' father might want to undermine me and damage my credibility. The simple answer is that I refused to submit to…