If I really think about it. …I could not have done anything great enough to earn the gift of Sweet Greg’s love. AND there is not a thing I could do to lose it. There are definitely things I could do to make him want space from me, but never to make him want to see me suffer or to leverage my weaknesses and vulnerabilities against me.
One definition of enemy is- someone who wants to see you fail, be afraid, suffer or struggle. Loving people do not choose to cause struggle or suffering for another. Wholesome Love would prevent them from doing so.
I am re-learning love- I have definitely done my share of behaving as an enemy. I married and divorced an enemy- maybe because people who claimed to love me also consistently behaved as enemies—justifying with phrases like “serves you right”. So I did the same to others, until I knew better. Jilan Catherine Ghoneim Whitney Catherine G Whitney
I forgive myself for what I did not know as a young adult. What I learned about love, connection, worthiness, lovability—all of it was sick and distorted. I am learning a better way. I am a work in progress.
Published by Magda Gee
I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.
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