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Letter to Mother and Sister

I will assume your silence means you need more space at this time.  I look forward to a time where we may each communicate openly and kindly.  I would like to try, when we are all ready.  My willingness to heal and recover any level of trust and connection remains.  I can be patient and without being oblivious to the reality of the ticking clock and the passing days which feel daunting, and change nothing.
I hope you are all well and hope that I will be notified otherwise.
Always,
M(and the boys):  WE are here.
This is pretty standard content for my emails.  The standard response is silence or condemnation.  I send these emails to affirm for myself that if my mother passes without further or healed contact and connection with me, it is absolutely not due to a lack of effort or willingness from my end.  Acceptance.  Acceptance.  Acceptance.  My sister’s shaming character assassination, uncontested by cc-d  family members, in addition to  my ex’s family, following her dinner which was kept secret from me, is something I forgive but do not accept as something that is ok or deserved.  Neutrality at this point is not an option.  Any effort will either de-escalate or intensify the situation.  My mother is recovering from health issues at age 84 and I moved cross country 2 years ago to be here-for her.  I still want that, free from abuse and shaming.
Acceptance is for badasses and totally wholesome.  I re-commit by the minute to the acceptance of the fact that I am powerless to make things be different.  These are my most wholesome efforts.  It is my belief that what has passed between us demands an honest reckoning.  I will wait.  ♥

Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

4 Replies to “Letter to Mother and Sister”

  2. Ok, I think it is clear where your family stands–perhaps it is time to plan your move back to the West Coast
    Let it go. Let them go.
    xo

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