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Repair or Repeat

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I did not experience a childhood rooted in kindness and helpfulness. And for those who might argue that I did, I suspect they think that to be kind and helpful, you must exist to please or at least seek to please those who claim to be in charge. Recovery allows me to provide a different environment and example for my children and yet I notice how quick they are to retaliate against displeasure or irritation. Is this a naturally immature behavior that some people never outgrow or is it a learned response to be tamed? ??‍♀️ Either way, I find it concerning, especially for my hsp child who is easily overwhelmed and disturbed by sensory stimulus which diminishes his tolerance for emotional stress and makes him more likely to snap when he cannot escape. We continue to discuss safe ways and times to remove ourselves and accept that sometimes it is not possible and in those times —we must work hard to practice acceptance for the things we can neither escape nor change. So hard! Recovery has taught me to recognize and honor truths and parts of myself that were inconvenient and difficult to understand for the naturally insensitive. I now love being alone and having space. But because banishment and silent treatment were commonly used in response to displeasure, I was afraid to be alone because it meant that not only did everyone hate me but it was plain to see how hated I was, rightly so, of course. Oh, If only I had elected to be more pleasing. #hsp #punishment #reactions #retalliation #bully #breakthecycle #repairorrepeat #nocontact #introvert

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Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.