Santa surprised us by delivering a day early. Boys received what must surely complete our collection of all the latest nerf artillery. The Mega-Mastadon unloads a full round of 24 sausage sized bullets at high speed. My lil SPD is unaffected by high impact to his skin. Seriously, he had second degree burns as a toddler and barely flinched, received most of his vaccinations without a peep and generally does not know the source of his bruises. So, what he easily forgets is that most of us are more sensitive in this way and some people are especially sensitive…not just physically but emotionally also.
We learn together from our Sensory Perception/ Integration Issues. S2 unloaded, without any resistance or objection from S1, a full round on S1 of the MM sausage missiles while S1 sat unmoved. Then S1 wanted to return the favor. Not happening! He claimed it did hurt him and it is only fair. He says he didn’t say OUCH because he figured S2 would ignore. I challenged that, with “It is your job to say stop and ouch and your job to listen when others say it. You do not trust in that because you don’t feel it and you don’t believe when others say it.”
It is our responsibility to communicate when we feel harmed. How other people handle it is not our business, but good information. S1 sheepishly agreed to be more mindful OR to forfeit all Nerf access. He gets it! My sweet boy.
Another priceless opportunity to discuss (boundaries)– when someone causes pain or discomfort we say “Ouch” or “Please Stop”. If the person stops, they are a trusted other. If they continue, we make note (This person is not to be counted on to be fair and considerate.) and then, do as needed to to seek serenity and safety. Retaliation for things that nobody knows they did is being a bully.
This is a powerful lesson in our home. We can not hear it enough times. In my family of origin I did not learn to say ouch in a way that mattered or was respected. Or that stopping doing what one wants because it was harmful to another, is a good and right thing to do. I treasure these organic moments that translate into something much much bigger than how to play nicely with Nerf–planting seeds of recovery for spiritual striving.
Everyone gets to feel happy, safe, and welcome. S2, a fantastic and loyal sport, suited up in 4 jackets and curled tightly in a ball to offer S1 a turn unloading Mega-Mastadon without harming him. Click here to see video. Playing nicely is for BadAsses. Being honest and saying ouch and please stop is for BadAsses. Sensitivity and speaking up seem to be judged harshly as weakness by bullies, control freaks and people who like to play God.
It is too much for others. I ♥ my lil WBAs. They visit with my FOO and the ex tonight for another family celebration. My Darling Greg and I will exchange gifts and have a quiet evening here.
When I get emotionally present in my real life, it is pretty damn good. I am easily derailed though, by those who ignore or thrive on contributing to my moments of Ouch—and then judge them. Grrr
Transparency and shared rules—The BadAssiest and most connected of all! BadAss Christmas wishes for all-even the bad asses–especially THEM. hahahha
xo
BD-In réponse to your email re: Trump and my female sibling. I must share my response here– about the two main distinctions–He has better hair and admits to liking Pu##y. At some point I may regret this…but for today, it feels necessary. The anger for what she has done to me as a child and adult is impossible to manage while being denied any opportunity to heal from her past abuse and her present crusade. Her need to destroy me for knowing what possibly, only I can know is very telling. Nobody cares. She is married to a judge and wears all white. How could she? and then there is me, wearing mostly black and quick to express a feeling or truth. From what I read, this is not unusual behavior. for the perpetrator or parents in denial. Am I cast out or have I opted out? OUT is my best bet, either way.