Happy People are Kind
At the terms “happy” and “friendly“, I cannot help but wince…no joke. Parading as perpetually happy and friendly is a tool for perception management. The awkward Pollyanna posturing as easy going, free from difficult feelings, and unfortunate choices is just silly. Happy is not a status.
Me—I am happy when I am not required to pretend to be friendly. Hahaha
I am neither social nor friendly-that is my wiring. And I honor that– declining social engagements with even my favorite people, because I find social events to be too much for me. I do enjoy helping people in need, when it is safe and when I am able, but it does not mean I wish to hang out after helping. This perplexes some. That is Okay. Friendly and kind are totally different. (more…)
On Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body
While on the treadmill at the Ymca, I locked onto E!’s Khloe Kardashian- Revenge Body. Seems like, with consistent safety, love, connection and support, people tend to achieve more. This is a huuuuuge differentiator– Those who DO and those who DO NOT grow up developing connection to god, family, community, and known innate talent or favorable attributes. Those blessed with any of these are the natural Badasses of the world, knowing and striving for their full potential–achieving greatness by their own internal measure–expanding natural talents and interests and seizing opportunities to give to and to serve–and not feeling the call to diminish others to elevate themselves. And there are those of us, who just want to be Ok, one day at a time as we discover our talents/interests and what it means to truly be of service, to get clear on who or what it is we intend to serve. It was not possible for me to recognize how to strive in these ways while obsessed with efforts to avoid given threats of despair. Despair was the only thing I had faith in, before recovery. Before faith, I had no models of, or experience with patience, acceptance, discipline, self-esteem, dignity, serenity.
Boundaries are for Badasses
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Problem v. Unpleasant Fact
Tonight, my sons and I saw the movie Sing, so wholesome and fun(ish)- the film, and going to the movies for the first time ever with my two boys. For several reasons, we do not frequent the movies. Even with extreme noise reduction earmuffs, it felt impossibly loud to me…and it was like a meat locker in the theatre. If not for my sons and our special event with snacks, I would’ve walked out and waited for the dvd. The seats were plush recliners and there were only 6 others in the theatre. Dreamy, right? Two of those six attendees were very active and distracting for someone like myself. I became so keenly focused on the difference between a problem and an unpleasant fact. I was cold–there was no solution, considering leaving was not an option–Unpleasant fact, must accept. It was too loud for me, unpleasant fact. The two active kids whose presence competed with the volume and chill of the theatre–difficult facts–Acceptance acceptance acceptance. Before program, I regarded anyone or anything vexing as a problem to be dealt with.
Prayer Works!
I continue ending my days by saying thank you for the blessings in my life- for each new day between the most recent indignity from my family and me. It is a bitter-sweet reality to be free of the dynamic. Recovery changed me at a cellular level, allowing me to unlearn things; like believing it acceptable to attack people’s personalities or character when they disturb me. What a menacing way to be in the world. I recall how I would hear a fantastic insult and mentally bookmark it for future use-100% sure that attacking and diminishing were necessary and inevitable responses to disturbance. I would find someone to blame for my discontent, talk shit about, and go after them. I forgive myself that♥ . Now that I know better, I choose to do better and to avoid those behaving in this way. As an adult, I am free to choose space from the raging of others. As a mother, it is my responsibility to model practices of recovery and serenity.
I feel positive about my consistent and repeated efforts to meet for resolution….or intent to go NO Contact with my MCR’s, who are generous with damaging words and behaviors towards me. Not gonna lie, it stings that NO Contact is preferable to resolving. I cannot recall the last time I called someone a name or tried to diminish them. Ok–I can, but I don’t feel good about it and it was more than 2 years ago and I didn’t rape him for a shared meal. I was wrong in the way in which I said what I said. My attitude was nasty and righteous. It was a work situation in which I lost my temper and I knew better and made amends later. For decades, I honestly did NOT know another way. I had family, friends, boyfriends, and a husband who all do/did this. I cant change that, but I do now avoid it. This is about healing not forgiveness, a concept I am striving to understand more deeply. Forgiving doesn’t mean I am ready to have lunch with a person who I feel abused by. It just means the bitterness doesn’t own me, anymore. Here is a little from Anne Lamott on forgiveness. She is a spiritual gangsta. I savor her every word. (more…)
When People Show Us Who They Are
When people show us who they are, we should believe them. For one week I have observed with detachment the Ex “being” friendly. Uh oh. This is not comforting. Cue the Jaws music. When he is cold and critical, I remain detached. Then, I let down my guard for the friendliness. Beware the Broken Clock!! I am keenly aware of the difference between FRIENDLY v. KIND. I recognize that he is preparing to request a favor or is mid- random good mood which will come to a jarring end, punctuated by a nasty comment and/or betrayal. Friendliness in the case of my FOO and ex, is often a strategic performance. Kindness just IS.
Today, my EX-H requested help with our boys during their next week with him. I help when possible, but not without resentment for how freely he asks of me. I cannot name a time he has done for me as an individual, just to be of service. He is quick to share the ways in which I earn his withholding of his duties as a co-parent along with details of my unworthiness of kindness or support. I am supportive because it is the kind of person I choose to be. I do not expect anything in return…but I do grow tired of the extractions; the joy of helping is diminished by the expectation and entitlement.
In an emergency, I can count on him, provided it benefits our boys. Anything serving me as an individual, is consistently denied, if not undermined. Ignoring my requests for logistical information, helpful for effective planning, he requires immediate and affirmative responses to random questions and personal favors.
I will help him– and he will believe that is his due – entitlement to my support, not considering that I help, because that is what I choose to do, regardless of how I feeeeeel. I will pray for help to release my resentment. Being kind and helpful is Badass.
My behavior is about me and yours about you. Why is this not a universally accepted fact? Until then, “YOU ARE WELCOME-Fucker“
Gratitude, I learned in recovery, pays it forward, not pay back, yo!
So, let’s pay it forward!
Faithful Living in 2017- Day 3
Day 3 of praying morning and night—Prayyyyying like crazy for help to elevate my thinking and my faith and giving thanks for what is. So far– three progressively much better days! Fitness, Job Opps, Domestic Order, and QT with my bestie, all of which felt impossible while
existing primarily to get through a day. Now, having the birthday/family/holiday season in the rearview for a while, I am breathing more deeply-breathing, something I forget to do.
While my boys grow and change almost as rapidly as my mother ages, she and I remain at our standard crossroads: Resolution v. NO Contact. I am available for either. I am wired differently from them. I missed out on the thing that would allow me to act as if –and to enjoy people whom treat(present tense) me unkindly and say(present tense) damaging things to me and about me collectively. This dynamic, I can neither accept nor change–a scenario unaddressed by my trusty Serenity prayer. I do accept my wiring, though I wished I had the pretending thing going for me. Would be so much easier.
The standing rebuttal is: “Well, we all hurt each other”. True. But my wounds are not healed by the vague accusations that I too have harmed you with something that has not been directly brought to my attention yet is widely known by others. Your wounds plus mine are compounded pain-EGGSHELLS. Where is the healing in that plan?
I strive spiritually toward healing. Pretending takes me away. I will forever remain available and willing for healing together….my spiritual door open. This is not about “FORGIVENESS”. It is about acknowledging our own contributions so we can work toward something better. Let us build some trust and connection. Click here to hear what my hero Brene Brown has to say on the anatomy of trust and connection.
Showing up with willingness and courage to do the hard work of healing is 100% the type of Wholesome Badass I mean to be. We heal together!
A New Day-New Strengths
Mary Karr— 100% Badass- courageously voicing what most dare not admit and rather not hear. Enjoying her narration of her memoir, Lit. Feeling giddy and motivated by her first, angry, tight lipped prayer: “Higher Power-where the fuck have you been?”… “How dare I? Finally, showing up with machine gunfire on my ass. What business do I have praying and asking? I am thin, white, employed, with insurance, HIV negative, with reasonably straight teeth” hahahaha I love you♥ Mary Karr! Thank you for a much needed reminder of the gifts of recovery that are mine when I just show up and do the work, one next right thing at a time. Raw. Magical. Healing. Truth.
For Today: pray, hydrate, exercise, clean something(lots of choices, there). Mindful cleaning is the best I can do to be meditative and silent-mentally still, opening my mind to let the universe in.
This morning, I prayed. “Please help me to feel better, to feel good about preserving my well being” Tonight before bed: “Thank you”. Tomorrow I will do it again. And the day after.
2017 Best Practices for Self-Love
While grubbing Greg’s tasty taco/nacho “NYE dinner” – for no good reason, I clicked an email notification from my mother, a generous re-offering that I “get over it and we can be a family”. I am over it, just intentionally unavailable for more. Why isn’t it, instead, my older sister’s task to stop saying and doing harmful and divisive things OR to just apologize for losing her shit AT me-so we can BE A FAMILY? Why ask why? Yawn. Why are you still on this topic? Let it go, M. Get back to Greg and your paper-plated tacos. Your mother and sister are not interested in what you feel or need. You need to start a new year , already. Wake me when something actually changes. (more…)
Recent Posts
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Valentine’s Day: A Strange Surprise
I didn’t expect to hear from my ex-husband on Valentine’s Day, especially after years of no contact. When his call came through, I assumed it was urgent—something about our sons. Given our history, I expected it to be disturbing, so
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Between Invisible & Seen: Finding True Belonging
I am seeking healing in the form of a way to channel all of this old information and energy out of me, so that it doesn’t continue backfiring, making me sicker, sadder, and more afraid. What I long for is
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Starved
When hunger has ravaged you, you’ll consume glass, whisper thanks, and await the next hunger’s call with trembling heart.
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Love & Self-Worth: The Legacy of Our Caregivers
I’ve come to realize that the way we experience love—and how we later give and receive it—is often rooted in the care we were shown as children. Our caregivers, the ones who were tasked with nurturing and protecting us, taught
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Purpose, Belonging, Direction
I read a quote today which has me weeping. I’m weeping all the time anyway just about over every single song and everything reminding me of all the love I have missed, all the love that was not recieved or
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Just Shut Up
The messages from my family of origin were unmistakable: “We will not show empathy or understanding for your perspective. In response to what we perceive as distortions, we will only offer defense, attack, blame, and relentless conflict.” All I ever
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I’m not angry. I’m overwhelmed.
It’s painful to recall being scolded in shaming ways during overwhelming moments: “Why are you so angry? Why are you so defensive? Why are you yelling?” I percieved but could not name the dissonance, the lack of understanding and interest
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Accuracy of Language
I am gradually acquiring better language as I work to heal from things which (for lack of a more precise word) I previously identified as abuse. While abusive things were said and done by my family of origin and the
Previous Posts
2025 (5)
- 20. February / Valentine’s Day: A Strange Surprise
- 19. February / Between Invisible & Seen: Finding True Belonging
- 18. February / Starved
- 18. February / Love & Self-Worth: The Legacy of Our Caregivers
- 23. January / Purpose, Belonging, Direction
2024 (22)
- 16. October / Just Shut Up
- 15. October / I’m not angry. I’m overwhelmed.
- 03. October / Accuracy of Language
- 03. October / Rupture and Repair
- 30. September / Breakdown or Breakthrough
- 29. September / National Son’s Day
- 18. September / Healing and Living
- 16. September / Truthful vs Honest
- 15. September / Just Be Positive
- 08. September / Why a Smear Campaign?
- 07. September / Painful Reminders
- 03. September / Fallout from The Love Bomb
- 02. September / Blessings and Privilege
- 02. September / A New Low
- 01. September / Several Things
- 01. September / What if?
- 18. August / More More More – PLEASE
- 19. April / Wax Play?
- 24. February / Rehash- ReCap
- 24. February / Hit and Run and CPTSD
- 18. January / Categorically and Inherently Wrong
- 02. January / Bad Economy
2023 (21)
- 24. December / Better Not Cry- Better Not Pout
- 05. November / Holding On– But also letting go
- 14. October / Goals, Ambition, Mental Health
- 05. October / How Do I Handle This?
- 26. September / Trojan Horse(repost from 2017)
- 24. August / The Pain We Do Not Heal(re-post from 2018)
- 22. August / If you can’t convince them, confuse them(re-post)
- 22. August / A Different Kind Of Sex(re-post)
- 01. August / Public Service Announcement
- 29. July / Shame and Guilt and Fear
- 29. July / Perspectives
- 26. July / Roles and Scripts
- 11. July / New Dynamics
- 26. June / Like a Moth to a Flame
- 17. June / Big Triggers
- 10. June / Trolling for Love on Match.com
- 13. May / Good, better, and not enough
- 09. April / Relax- Calm Down
- 08. April / My Friend in the Mountains
- 12. March / New Love- Old Wounds
- 12. February / It Is Like This
2022 (37)
- 31. December / Held and Free
- 24. December / Scapegoating- How it begins
- 17. December / AMEN(ds)
- 11. November / Cycles of Healing
- 06. August / Dog Whistling
- 05. August / My First Bullies
- 27. July / Are you seriously still talking about it?
- 26. July / Out Of My Control- In My Control
- 17. July / dis-GRACEd
- 14. July / Amazing Grace
- 14. July / Stuff that is important to me
- 11. July / In healthy, healing, loving family systems…
- 07. July / She would never say it, but…
- 05. July / Dear Maggie
- 04. July / July 4
- 12. June / YOU ARE THE ONLY PROBLEM!!!
- 30. May / Things Learned
- 29. May / Blind Spots- We All Have Them
- 27. May / Circling The Drain
- 16. May / Just Another List
- 12. May / Unfit
- 08. May / Goals
- 23. April / Why I Did IT
- 12. April / The Non-Redeemable
- 31. March / Get Well Soon—PLEASE
- 19. March / 60 Year Old Bearded Alcoholic Girlfriend
- 15. March / Maybe I Am
- 13. March / Perfection v. Self Reflection
- 11. March / The House Rules
- 12. February / Fuuuuuuuuuck
- 05. February / Narcissistic Bullying
- 01. February / Pathological Shaming
- 22. January / Want Sum?
- 20. January / Love Does & Does Not
- 18. January / Clean MRI
- 17. January / So Then
- 14. January / Wednesday Morning Text
2021 (45)
- 31. December / There are Some Good Things
- 28. December / WIATF?
- 26. December / December
- 21. December / On Fidelity
- 16. December / Good Input
- 07. December / Connection & Purpose
- 27. November / Mercy
- 26. November / JOYful Thanksgiving
- 25. November / Another Thanksgiving
- 17. November / Random Thoughts on Love, Parenting, & Truths
- 11. November / Fight Starters 100% Guaranteed
- 01. November / Doing The Lord’s Work
- 31. October / Not A Great Fit
- 27. October / Daily Reminders
- 26. October / 2021 Happy Birthday
- 22. October / Choosing
- 08. October / The Commandments
- 03. October / Mental Health Awareness
- 26. September / Narcissists Seek Validation -Not Help
- 19. September / My Trauma is My Gift
- 18. September / Step ZERO
- 09. September / 9.11
- 05. September / Covid and the Narcissist
- 23. August / Proud and Protected
- 21. August / Hard To Love
- 07. August / Thoughtful Cruelty
- 17. July / Artificial Indifference
- 28. June / Today v. Yesterday
- 28. June / Fuck yoooooooooooooooo
- 03. June / Clearly
- 29. May / PTSD and Insanity
- 29. May / Me Tooooo
- 22. May / Risk Taking Mistake Making
- 18. May / Wrong Beliefs- A Mother’s Day Post
- 04. May / Depression and Sex
- 18. April / Alien
- 17. April / Trying
- 23. March / Anne Lamott – Recovery Badass
- 14. February / Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me
- 08. February / Big Shot
- 07. February / Night-Time
- 27. January / Smile GDI!
- 14. January / On Loyalty and Abuse
- 04. January / Happy New Year
2020 (66)
- 21. December / The Art of Plausible Deniability
- 15. December / Wish You Were Here
- 12. December / Tell the Truth
- 02. December / No Deal!
- 30. November / My JOB
- 19. November / Let Go or Be Dragged
- 04. November / Week Five
- 29. September / A Different Kind of Life
- 27. September / We Love Jilan
- 24. September / Cover Up!
- 22. September / What Shame Does
- 14. September / ACA Daily Reading January 12- Fear
- 13. September / ACA Daily Reading January 11- False Self
- 12. September / I Don’t Get It
- 09. September / Before Recovery
- 07. September / September 7
- 03. September / Introverting
- 26. August / uniformity v. solidarity
- 14. August / Pain
- 02. August / What is Schadenfreude?
- 26. July / Affiliations and Attachments
- 23. July / Kindness Is Not Conditional
- 13. July / Or Else — Bring it
- 01. July / Be The Reason
- 23. June / Mama
- 17. June / What We Choose
- 09. June / Torture
- 08. June / MY White Privilege
- 12. May / Things I struggle with
- 11. May / Twenty-five Things
- 05. May / I AM
- 02. May / Wrong But Not Bad
- 24. April / I Am Free
- 23. April / Who I Am
- 21. April / Hickeys and Large Pores
- 20. April / Yeh- No
- 13. April / How I Used To Be
- 10. April / You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught
- 09. April / Serves You Right
- 08. April / Under The Influence
- 07. April / To Repair or Repaint
- 30. March / Gossip Culture
- 27. March / If it hurts me, it is bad for me
- 26. March / Incongruous Behaviors
- 25. March / The Five Rules
- 25. March / Self Doubt v. Purpose & Belonging
- 21. March / Look For The Helpers
- 20. March / Not So Classy
- 19. March / What is Wrong?
- 17. March / I Choose Corona Virus Over…
- 11. March / I Can Only Imagine
- 08. March / An Altruistic Donor
- 07. March / Liver Anyone?
- 29. February / Just Because
- 26. February / Emotionally Barbaric
- 24. February / Healing is Excruciating
- 18. February / To Struggle Is Human
- 03. February / Either Or
- 01. February / The Bare Minimum
- 28. January / I Will Change The Things I Can
- 15. January / Who Even Does That?
- 14. January / Bold and Sensitive
- 13. January / First Class
- 07. January / Raising a Modern-Day Knight
- 06. January / Learning to Say No to Yourself
- 03. January / What Sort of Person Behaves Like That?
2019 (58)
- 31. December / Bye Bye 2019
- 30. December / Recovering From The Family Disease
- 27. December / Back to Step One
- 26. December / No More
- 20. December / A Book Club Must Read
- 14. December / Boundaries Are Hard
- 11. December / Listen, Learn, Serve
- 09. December / Obedience to the Unenforceable
- 30. November / Eggshells are Easily Broken
- 27. November / Claiming Responsibility
- 18. November / Thank You for Letting Me Go
- 12. November / Freedom from THE Shame
- 08. November / Cycle Breaking–and the Fall Out
- 06. November / Better Living
- 24. October / Sweet Mercy
- 29. September / My Saddest Day
- 26. September / The Anatomy of Trust
- 21. September / Because I was Terrified
- 07. September / Fuck Shame
- 12. August / Love Does
- 28. July / Deselection
- 04. July / Repair or Repeat
- 04. July / Feeling Empowered
- 21. June / You Deserve Better
- 18. May / Sometimes The Solution Sucks
- 12. May / On Mother’s Day
- 21. April / “Happy” Easter
- 13. April / I Feel You—literally
- 18. March / An Inconvenient Child
- 04. March / Life and Love are Messy by Rachael Alaia
- 02. March / Are You an Empath?
- 02. March / Bye Mom
- 28. February / A Litany for Survival
- 19. February / Making Amends
- 18. February / Things Which Once Caused Me Shame
- 18. February / Goddammit Magda
- 17. February / Together, We Belong
- 15. February / The Exact Right Words
- 14. February / On Being Psycho
- 12. February / The Things We are Learning
- 11. February / Say Yikes and Move On!
- 07. February / Educated by Tara Westover
- 05. February / Unity v. Division
- 30. January / Learning to Belong
- 29. January / The Quality of My Thoughts
- 26. January / Formatting Errors v. Compatibility Issues
- 25. January / No Means No
- 24. January / Never say Never
- 20. January / You Can’t Make Me and Neither Can I
- 19. January / Trust in Kindness
- 14. January / Day 15 I Can Not Be Counted On
- 13. January / Day 14 Character Analysis
- 12. January / Day 13 Second-Handers
- 07. January / Day 8 Reflection
- 05. January / Atypical Day 6
- 03. January / Day 4 Schitt’s Creek
- 02. January / Day 3 The Fountainhead
- 01. January / 2019 Day 1
2018 (86)
- 31. December / No, But This Time I Mean It
- 21. December / Clear Boundaries are not Grudges
- 20. December / Are You My Mother?
- 17. December / Our Mother Who Art in Heaven
- 17. December / Social Media for Abuse Awareness
- 16. December / Pills That are Hard to Swallow
- 04. December / BUT WHY THO—Dear Mom
- 03. December / Rest In Peace
- 02. December / Fake Peace
- 25. November / This Is Not My Kingdom
- 24. November / Walls or Bridges
- 22. November / Gentle Thanksgiving
- 19. November / Being Human Means Making Mistakes
- 09. November / Boundaries and Being Non-Dead
- 06. November / How I Tricked Him Into Loving Me
- 02. November / Healing After and During Betrayal
- 29. October / Communicating Truth
- 26. October / Aha!
- 25. October / Happy Birthday ?
- 14. October / Why Lie
- 11. October / Some Letters
- 06. October / The Part Where You Fucked Up
- 02. October / The Smiling Poop Emoji
- 25. September / Grandma’s Favorite—awww so sweet, y’all
- 24. September / Thank Good Gods
- 23. September / Undeserving
- 10. September / Supporting Gay Tweens- Even when they are not “yours”
- 26. August / It is Not that I Don’t Care..
- 17. August / For the Love
- 14. August / Because Obviously
- 10. August / On Forgiving
- 03. August / Like-hearted
- 28. July / Are We Good?
- 26. July / Stand Your Ground
- 25. July / It Might Just Suck
- 23. July / On Bullying
- 22. July / First, Your Spirit
- 19. July / On Gossip
- 16. July / The Tightrope
- 12. July / Get Well Soon
- 09. July / Emergencies and Celebrations
- 09. July / The Opposite of Love
- 08. July / A Letter for Children
- 06. July / Life and Death
- 05. July / Independence Day
- 04. July / No Laughing Matter
- 03. July / We Learn What We Live
- 02. July / Low Blood Sugar and Anxiety
- 02. July / Be the Nice Kid
- 01. July / Indirect Communication
- 29. June / Problem or Unpleasant Fact–How to Know
- 28. June / Right, Wrong, or Just Human
- 26. June / We Belong to Each Other
- 25. June / But Why Though
- 24. June / You Do Not Have to Agree with Me to Love Me
- 23. June / Ambition or Denial
- 22. June / You Got What You Deserved
- 22. June / Six Things
- 17. June / When Bad Things Happen to Good People
- 07. June / Mental Health–We all have mental health.
- 04. June / How to Achieve Menschdom by Guy Kawasaki
- 26. May / What is Love?
- 22. May / A Letter to My Sons
- 20. May / Abuse is Abuse
- 15. May / A Letter From My Sons
- 13. May / Courage to Change
- 11. May / happy mothers’ day
- 06. May / The Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses
- 03. May / Every Time I Judge
- 02. May / Recovery Celebrations
- 13. April / Best Days of Our Lives
- 05. April / Shame on Who(or whom)?
- 02. April / Get Over It—Umm Okaaay
- 29. March / DGAF–I Totally Give
- 28. March / I am sorry that…
- 12. March / Thank You for Teaching Me
- 21. February / The Legacy of Rage
- 16. February / Serves You Right
- 15. February / Parenting and Power Struggles
- 23. January / Food and Truth-In Abundance
- 19. January / We Can Do Hard Things
- 16. January / One Goal 100% of the Time
- 12. January / Am I an Asshole-I Don’t Think So(anymore)
- 05. January / Breakups
- 02. January / Shannon Thomas- Healing From Hidden Abuse
2017 (160)
- 27. December / They Belong Together
- 26. December / Sweet Surrender
- 19. December / Connection and Protection
- 18. December / It is Not About You
- 12. December / Name it To Tame it
- 11. December / Winners Change and Grow, Staying the Same is for the Others
- 10. December / BIRTHDAY MIRACLES
- 04. December / What You Believe In, Becomes Your Reality, Your Life
- 02. December / It’s That Time of Year
- 28. November / Home is Where You Can Afford to Live–Right?
- 25. November / Children Learn What They Live
- 22. November / Count Your Blessings
- 19. November / Paper Plates–The Cheap Kind
- 17. November / Every Chapter Matters
- 10. November / Trojan Horses
- 09. November / So This
- 08. November / Truth to Bullshit
- 05. November / Narcissist Be Like
- 03. November / Kthanksbye
- 01. November / The Loss of an Estranged Parent
- 28. October / The Opposite of Faith
- 27. October / Broken But Not Destroyed
- 26. October / Hug Rapers-Break the Cycle
- 25. October / A Year of Miracles-or Just One Day
- 24. October / Soul (Rapey) Sister
- 23. October / Happy Birthday
- 22. October / We Can Do Hard Things
- 21. October / One Day at A Time
- 18. October / Emotional Honesty and Healing v. Play Acting
- 17. October / Poor Sally Draper
- 16. October / Recovery from Life
- 12. October / A Friend of Bill’s
- 10. October / Life on Life’s Terms
- 09. October / Loving Myself, Unapologetically, and Without Permission
- 03. October / The Shit Before the Shift
- 02. October / We Don’t Have to Feel Starved
- 27. September / Nope…I can’t
- 26. September / You Do Not Have to Stand for the Pledge
- 25. September / Sorry Not Sorry
- 24. September / Braving The Wilderness
- 17. September / You Are Either With Me or You Are Against Me
- 22. August / Death Wishing and Hopelessness
- 16. August / It is NOT NORMAL
- 15. August / Are You Effing Insane?
- 14. August / Stonewalling-How it Works
- 13. August / Relief Is Available–Name It to Tame It
- 08. August / Truth Speaking–Amen
- 06. August / Our Feelings Can Teach Us
- 04. August / Jeff Brown Wisdom on Spiritual and Emotional Healing
- 31. July / Triangulation-How It Works
- 30. July / Then You Win
- 30. July / The Difference Is….
- 28. July / How Upsetting for Children
- 23. July / Children-Make Them Feel Loved
- 16. July / Love is Many Things, BUT Never Deceitful
- 09. July / What Is that smell? Could it be bullshit?
- 06. July / The Fighter
- 04. July / Independence Day 2017- Freedom from ……..
- 30. June / Mindful Parenting
- 27. June / PSA–Match.com Works When You are Honest
- 25. June / Destroying Others is Monstrous Behavior
- 18. June / Fathers Day Feelings
- 15. June / To Thine Own Self Be True
- 15. June / I know what I Bring to the Table
- 06. June / Historical Revisionist–Future Revisionist
- 01. June / The Day You Were Born
- 29. May / Memorial Day 2017-Dying for Peace
- 23. May / Self Love is the Shit
- 19. May / Starved
- 17. May / The Broken Clock
- 16. May / Me Too, Tell Me More
- 13. May / We Who Are Your Closest Friends
- 11. May / I Wish You Well
- 10. May / The Miracles of Recovery
- 08. May / Gratitude Continued
- 06. May / Project Miracle
- 05. May / Just Be Happy-Goddammit
- 01. May / Shame Shifting
- 30. April / Happy Mother’s Day
- 28. April / Psychological Invalidation Is Abuse
- 27. April / Always a Third Way
- 26. April / Dear Lord………
- 24. April / Welcome to McDonalds
- 22. April / What Would Lena Dunham Do?
- 21. April / What Is Your Problem, Anyway?
- 20. April / I Love Jesus
- 17. April / When Someone Shows You Who They Are
- 15. April / Let’s Roll-Grappling On and Off the Mats
- 14. April / Shaming and Blaming–Not Welcome Here
- 13. April / Follow Your Heart- Be True and Honor Yourself
- 11. April / The Matriarchal Family
- 06. April / Heaven Knows……
- 05. April / Pray for a Miracle
- 04. April / Understanding Unforgiveness- Repair or Release?
- 03. April / One Day at a Time, They too Shall Pass
- 02. April / No Solution- No problem
- 31. March / Surrender…. or Try Harder, More, Better
- 30. March / The Imaginary Letter-The One That Never Comes
- 29. March / Greatest Achievement-hahaha
- 29. March / Letter to Mother and Sister
- 28. March / Tools for Life
- 27. March / An Invitation to Heal-Repair or Release
- 24. March / Good Grief
- 23. March / The Menu-Life Choices
- 23. March / You Spot It–You Got It
- 21. March / House of Cards
- 21. March / Fools Rush In
- 15. March / Painful Dynamics- Repair or Release
- 14. March / Submission is for Jiu-Jitsu and Other Stuff
- 13. March / Moving On is Acceptance
- 12. March / Be Relentless: Eliminate the Poison in Your Life
- 11. March / Love is Compromise–Not Submission
- 10. March / Courage and Compassion-but first self esteem!
- 09. March / I Am Your Biggest Fan- I Am Your Mother
- 07. March / Instead of Focusing on Rejection
- 06. March / I Am Not Just Raising Boys
- 02. March / Take Time for Creativity
- 01. March / I Will Be Changed But Not Reduced
- 28. February / Money-Not the Problem, Not the Solution
- 27. February / Wake The Fuck Up
- 26. February / The Games Continue
- 25. February / Kindness v. Friendliness
- 24. February / Speak Your Heart – Listeners Will Listen
- 23. February / We Are Only As Sick As Our Secrets
- 22. February / Being Heard v. Being Erased
- 20. February / It is not Impossible, but UNpossible
- 18. February / Bless Them, Change Me
- 17. February / Lord of the Flies- Yikes
- 16. February / Valentines Day Perfection- Until….
- 13. February / Paying it Forward
- 12. February / Insanity is…
- 10. February / Feelings are not Facts
- 03. February / Sadness- Part of the Healing Process
- 02. February / Building and Destroying Trust
- 01. February / My Dog and I are Both Canaries
- 31. January / When Your Mother Is Just Not That Into You
- 30. January / GPS Your Heart
- 27. January / Together We Rise–Yes We Do
- 25. January / Knowing and Using Our Power for Good
- 20. January / Why Lie?
- 18. January / Let’s Talk About Sex-Please
- 17. January / True Perfection
- 17. January / Happy People are Kind
- 16. January / On Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body
- 12. January / Boundaries are for Badasses
- 12. January / Problem v. Unpleasant Fact
- 10. January / Prayer Works!
- 06. January / When People Show Us Who They Are
- 05. January / Faithful Living in 2017- Day 3
- 02. January / A New Day-New Strengths
- 01. January / 2017 Best Practices for Self-Love
2016 (46)
- 29. December / I Choose to Share, Heal, Expand-I Write the Ending
- 27. December / Letter to Mom
- 26. December / Letter To Self
- 24. December / Saying Ouch
- 23. December / AMEN
- 21. December / BadAss Friends
- 20. December / Most Wonderful Time of the Yeeeeear
- 19. December / Safe Distance is not Non-love
- 18. December / Even The Broken Clock is Right Twice a Day
- 16. December / What We Focus on Grows
- 14. December / No is a complete sentence.
- 11. December / Love is kind-right?
- 10. December / Go Where The Love Is
- 09. December / Inside Jokes and Situational Nicknames
- 08. December / Get Back Up! (again)
- 07. December / Silence- Not Equal to Peace and Grace
- 06. December / Today is Difficult
- 05. December / Love a Promise, Not an Emotion
- 04. December / Fearless Authenticity-I Heart the Dowager
- 03. December / Kindness Comes from the Kind-hearted
- 02. December / Courage and Vulnerability
- 01. December / What Is Love?
- 30. November / Loyalty
- 29. November / Silence
- 29. November / A Narcissist’s Prayer
- 27. November / Golden Memories
- 26. November / The Key
- 25. November / Best Day Ever
- 24. November / Thanksgiving Thoughts for Those Contemplating No Contact
- 22. November / Big Heart–Big Boundaries
- 20. November / Happy? Birthday
- 19. November / Greasy Hair and Furry Legs
- 18. November / Even the Best of Us
- 16. November / What Is Needed…
- 14. November / We Write Our Own Endings-Brené Brown
- 13. November / Finding My Voice-and my lil pink axe
- 12. November / Unlearning-One Day at a Time
- 11. November / This Is How–Augusten Burroughs
- 10. November / Emotional Experience, Real, Though Not Universal
- 07. September / Forgiveness
- 21. August / WBA-Terminology
- 15. August / Big Effen Surrender
- 18. April / Absolute Authenticity Has Its Price
2015 (5)
- 06. August / BadAss Lil Warrior
- 31. May / GOD’s Grace
- 25. May / Love is the Answer
- 20. May / Different Kinds of Love
- 18. April / What We Model for Our Children…
Count Me In
Words to LIVE By
Who you spend your time with will have a great impact on what kind of life you live. Spend time with the right people.
— Joel Osteen (@JoelOsteen) November 19, 2016