The Key
Humbled and entertained to recall a time I broke my key off in the lock, and out of habit or training, I mentally condemned all who surely contributed---the lock manufacturer, the key cutter,…
Best Day Ever
First mellllllllow Thanksgiving ever: Greg and I grimaced over the 7 menu items actually requiring work, imagining the stress of those with a vision for exactly how the grand feast must be presented and received. Probably, easier done without consideration for children and individual preferences. We were relaxed about our “plan”, and still– managing timing the dishes to be throughly cooked and hot -at all at once, felt challenging. S1 announced that he was “starving” before the meal was fully prepared. So, he ate his meal in courses, while S2 and Greg’s son played outside-before the official Feast time.
Greg did the turkey breast, cringing for removal, with surgical precision, each of the less nice parts. I love that we are united in our stance about wiggly meat and yucky parts. I grilled flank steaks as my alternative to the traditional holiday meats. A nice compliment to Greg’s turkey, the potatoes, corn pudding, stuffing, and green beans. For dessert for my team enjoyed pumpkin pie hidden beneath mountains of whipped cream, while Team Greg had Chocolate Cream Pie. Everybody got to be, do, and eat as they like. Now, that is Thanksgiving! (more…)
Thanksgiving Thoughts for Those Contemplating No Contact
Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.
Holidays, birthdays, and my wedding too, were times of dread, anxiety, and despair, and of course shame for not being a more happy and light-hearted and good person. “What is her problem?” “Why does she have to ruin everything? Why must she be impossible?” “Why cant she just smile for the picture?” Un-ironically(Is that even a word?), I knowingly entered into a marriage equally nurturing, mirroring that dynamic, which for the first 32 years of my life, made me long for death. Call me dramatic, whatever. This is my story.
Looking back, I see that I was ill for most occasions. Vomiting has always been my natural and given response to stress and an immense source of relief for me. My body knows the truth–keeps the score. (more…)
Big Heart–Big Boundaries
Most of my life, I have wished for the ability to Act As If…
Being intensely feeling in an insensitive world does have a priceless upside: Informed and compassionate, I support my older son (S1) who is also highly sensitive with neurological differences making him more vulnerable to sensory input as well as emotional energy. Atypical wiring holds our Limbic Systems at full throttle 24/7 . A constant state of “fight or flight” causes fatigue, and lessens resilience to stress. In my family, two of the kinder labels for this, were difficult and thin-skinned.
Without familiarity, I would be unable, perhaps unwilling to protect and empathize as children deserve. S1 becomes emotional over perceived unfairness or unkindness occurring in those subtle and hard to name ways. His large reaction can steal the show and focus might be directed at teaching shaming him into gaining control of himself–purely to avoid punishment. With little inquiry or action around understanding the subtle or mistaken “offense”.
Whatever the offense, it will go dismissed unaddressed by those not wired to understand. Granted, there are times where he is overtired and ove
r-reacting…but not always the case. He recognizes the difference and we get to laugh later when he is ready to share without shame, that he was too tired to cope and had decomposed into crazy cryer. Demonstrating how it is real and ok to be sensitive allows him to know when it is necessary to seek serenity and safety (more…)
Happy? Birthday
Hello Friends, Last month, my Darling stumped me with “So…what do you want for your birthday?”.
In a tone suggesting, “Please don’t make me think about it.”, my knee-jerk response was “I don’t know”.
Asked by some, “What do you want for your birthday?”, I might say: “Nothing, really”, name something they’d enjoy getting me, OR roll the dice and share the truth-and wind up with a “gift” indicative of not being heard or valued. (more…)
Greasy Hair and Furry Legs
For so long, I might only shave my legs or wear good undies, outfit, or make up if I were to be seen by “someone good”. Sad but true. Now, I choose these things for me, for my own self-care. Self care is unnatural for me. So much easier to neglect myself. I’m no longer motivated by the opinions of those once who wish to hand down their judgment or favor. Big News—the judgers do not have what I need. Their opinions are not my business and I need not turn to them to see where I stand. I don’t need permission to take good care of myself and I don’t do it at them. I have learned to do it because it is responsible and satisfying. I am amused by my bragging of allowing my hairS to become greasy, my legs to go from prickly- to furry, to those who need to judge.
I recognize that there are times for which evidence of artful makeup, grooming, and outfitting are called. Times where they are desired. AND Times in which it is totally unnecessary to concern myself. My worthiness is real, no matter. And my self-esteem tells me so. (more…)
Even the Best of Us
"Even the best of us are at least part-time bastards." By: Mary Karr: The Liar's Club
What Is Needed…
“People who are hurting don't need Avoiders, Protectors, or Fixers. What we need are patient, loving witness. People to sit quietly and hold space for us. People to stand in…
THERE YOU ARE….BORROWED FROM MOMASTERY-BLOG BY GLENNON DOYLE MELTON
“There are two types of people – those who walk into a room and say: ‘Here I am!’ and those who walk into a room and say: ‘There you are.’”…
We Write Our Own Endings-Brené Brown
MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers Than those of us who are willing to fall Because we have…