By design, it seems, he became my everything; my comfort, my laughter, my peace, my joy. He is the place where I have felt the most alive, the most connected, the most whole.
And yet, he is also the thing which breaks me.
Like insulin to a diabetic, crack to an addict. I need him like breath, like blood, like something vital that I cannot live without- he is both medicine and poison.
When we are together, I have felt both calm and excited. For many months we were mutually in awe of our connection, each feeling both held and free. It is true that we spent an unnatural amount of time together, and that his showering me with gifts, adventure, and constant contact was intoxicating, spellbinding. It absolutely fits the bill of love bombing. And then, his decision to reclassify me matches what is described as the devalue/discard. It is true I beg him to stay and he does. When we are apart, I am unraveling. This love is both my salvation and my sickness.
