THERAPIST: So you’re upset that your mom pointed out missed chores and unmet expectations — even after a few consistent weeks of you doing them without reminders?
SON: Yeah. I did them for weeks, then missed a few days, and it’s like she forgets everything I did.
THERAPIST: Feels like the past effort doesn’t count?
SON: Exactly. One mistake, and it’s all erased.
THERAPIST: Do you think those weeks should cancel out the fact that you didn’t follow through now?
SON: Yeah. I don’t have these issues anywhere else. At school, in sports, at work — I’m respected. She’s the only person who makes me feel like I’m always messing up.
THERAPIST: So in your mind, she’s the problem?
SON: Yes. She’s always overwhelmed, emotional, negative. She creates tension. I act out because of how she is.
THERAPIST: So when your behavior is off, it proves she’s toxic?
SON: Right. I’ve thought about it a lot. I’m not difficult anywhere else. She’s the common denominator.
THERAPIST: And once you’re 18?
SON: Then I won’t have to deal with her. I’ll be only with people who get IT.
THERAPIST: Can I ask — does this connect to how she talks about your dad?
SON: Yeah. She’s always bringing up what he did, how he hurt her. But he doesn’t act like that with me. So what is she doing — trying to make me take her side?
THERAPIST: That’s tough. When one parent talks about the other’s harm, and you don’t see it, it puts you in a hard spot. What if it’s not about taking sides — but about acknowledging what’s real for her?
SON: I don’t know.
THERAPIST: You’ve witnessed moments that harmed made her feel scared, alone. That’s not taking sides — that’s honesty.
SON (quiet): Maybe.
THERAPIST: What does your dad do to help you deal with your mom?
SON: He doesn’t really. But he listens. He agrees with me. He gets it. He doesn’t push me to fix things.
THERAPIST: Feels good to be understood.
SON: Yeah. At least someone’s on my side.
THERAPIST: I get that.
SON: So what — I’m supposed to just be perfect?
THERAPIST: No. Just honest. Kind. Accountable. Like you are in school, sports, work. Not perfect — just consistent.
THERAPIST (calm, direct): What do you think it would cost you to show up with honesty and accountability — no matter what she’s doing?
SON: I don’t know. It would feel like I’m giving in. Like I’m saying she’s right.
THERAPIST: But you noticed that when you were doing your part — following through, keeping your word — things improved at home – because you were steady and intentional.
THERAPIST: You’re not responsible for the whole relationship — but you are responsible for what you bring into it. Your choices. Your actions. The good and the bad. Are you willing to consider that?
SON (cool, final): No. I don’t think I need to “work on myself” around her. I just need to stay out of the drama and wait it out. Once I’m 18, I’ll be able to walk away. It’s uncomfortable being near her. I don’t want to associate with her. I don’t want to be like her — she’ll just drag me down.
THERAPIST (calm, firm): It’s important to recognize that when you bring that kind of energy into your mom’s space — the dismissiveness, the disrespect — you’re creating tension. And when she reacts to that, it seems like you only see her reaction as the only problem— what about the energy you bring in the first place?
THERAPIST: When you act that way, she’s not creating conflict — she’s responding to it. Her calling it out is not speaking the problem into existence. You seem heavily invested in a binary outcome- where you are right and she is wrong.
SON: Because she is. It is not worth it.
THERAPIST: Ok, so you have made your decision. How would you expect her to react to someone who has that energy for her and communicates so much disregard in all manner of ways?
