I look back on the girls and women I’ve known, and the difference is clear. Those with parents who were intentional and loving —who made them feel welcome, safe, supported, and protected, like they were beautiful and had what it takes—grew up knowing their worth. They had access to community, activities, rituals, traditions, and celebrations that allowed them to feel expressed, connected, and called in—not called out. And with that indoctrination, they readily built and chose friendships and relationships with people who loved them in nourishing, celebratory, and supportive ways- in which they continued to be who they were, not chastised or demeaned for it.
They weren’t asked to play small, stay quiet, or deny their needs, desires, or preferences. They weren’t made to feel like too much or an inconvenience. Instead, they learned how to show up in love, carrying healthy beliefs about what they deserved, what they could count on, and what they had to give in return.
I’m doing the work to heal. To unlearn the unhealthy core beliefs I was given. To rise from the brokenness, the shame, the lostness that was instilled in me like canon—decades of being taught by my own family to believe that I am a menace, a burden, worthless, incapable and unworthy of love, connection, satisfaction, joy.
But – No matter what sort of person I think I am, or they think I am. I have raised two boys who aren’t as sad, broken, or afraid as I have always been. And I take credit for that. I am the kind of person who broke generational curses. Maybe I didn’t directly model security and self-worth I did not have, but I quite intentionally didn’t snatch it from them, either.
