When pain makes it impossible to stay in my role,
It’s as if I’ve tripped an invisible wire—
and it unleashes a silent detonation beneath the surface, warning:
Forget your place—and pay.
“Who do you think you are? You, get back here.”
And:
“Fuck you. No one wants you anyway—for all of the obvious reasons.”
When hatchet like detachment fails to reel me back in,
they go for blame.
And when accusations fail to provoke defense—
as a last resort, there will be an inquiry.
Not the kind that says:
Will you please share with me what’s going on with you?
Will you please help me understand how we got here and what is needed?
No.
Not that kind.
This version of inquiry —
Aims to appear calm and interested.
At its core, it’s a tactic, on the heels of messaging which was anything but curious, interested, and desiring connection.
Aggression, masked as confusion.
And beneath it all:
You may join or seperate when and how I say.
Bait Posing as Dialogue
After having chosen to pile on top of the exisitng wound- silence, dismissal and blame, this last ditch frustrated effort at inquiry for “understanding” doesn’t land as care or genuine interest, even.
It lands like bait. As a first resort, yes. but now…
The Q&A does not move us together as equals, toward repair.
The questions appear aimed at proving or disproving.
It is not about working toward a shared understanding of what happened,
but whether I can recall it flawlessly. Literally no interest or effort given to the fact that I am hurt, in pain. Only righteous interrogation.
When my memory falters under the weight of emotional pain, the focus doesn’t move gently in the direction of understanding, repair, or reconnection.
It turns—deliberately—toward building a case against me, rather than making things right between us.
“If I can’t control how you relate to me, I’ll control how others see you.”
Dismiss. Diminish. Reframe.
Whatever it takes to keep the system intact—
to protect the illusion of goodness, the performance of perfection,
Not just to avoid accountability—
but to preserve control, and the story where they are infallible.
Key Takeaway: Where there is an investment in rightness, blame, discrediting, or defending, there’s no path to healing.
