What Is Needed…

screen-shot-2016-12-06-at-8-16-30-pm“People who are hurting don’t need Avoiders, Protectors, or Fixers. What we need are patient, loving witness. People to sit quietly and hold space for us. People to stand in helpful vigil to our pain.”

― Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior: A Memoir

Keeping silent to keep the peace comes at to high a price.  Let us listen to each other.  Listening takes courage, patience, grace, humility.  Listening is for BadAsses.  I hope to become a better listener….and surrender my need too be heard.

THERE YOU ARE….BORROWED FROM MOMASTERY-BLOG BY GLENNON DOYLE MELTON

“There are two types of people – those who walk into a room and say: ‘Here I am!’ and those who walk into a room and say: ‘There you are.’”

This quote was shared by Glennon, and I of course, would like to paste her every word and thought right here into my own space. She is one WBAMF!   I wished I knew the original speaker or writer of these words.  Probably just spoken casually by someone very wise.

We Write Our Own Endings-Brené Brown

MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED
There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers Than those of us who are willing to fall Because we have learned how to rise.
With skinned knees and bruised hearts; We choose owning our stories of struggle, Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.
When we deny our stories, they define us. When we run from struggle, we are never free. So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.
We will not be characters in our stories. Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.
We are the authors of our lives. We write our own daring endings.
We craft love from heartbreak, Compassion from shame, Grace from disappointment, Courage from failure.
Showing up is our power.
Story is our way home. Truth is our song. We are the brave and brokenhearted. We are rising strong.

Brené Brown

Finding My Voice-and my lil pink axe


While striving to honor the authentic voice of who I am,  I have realized a profound  lack of vision for my life…no goals, other than to just hurt less…to feel and cause less pain.  In my family of origin and marriage, my pain was categorized for me in one of three ways:

  • pain I caused
  • pain I deserved
  • pain I imagined

For each of which, comfort was unavailable. (more…)

Unlearning-One Day at a Time

screen-shot-2016-12-06-at-8-50-52-pmIn my life I can’t help but marvel at the grim, if not blind determination to force people places and things to BE different from how Wrecking Ballthey are.  This behavior is typically paired with barely contained rage or smugness, dependent on the outcome.

This influence did not springboard me into a state of wholesome badassery,  Overly receptive to sensory stimulus and the emotional energy of others, highly strung, I have been mostly scared shitless and very reactive. 

WBA is my journal of expansion beyond what I have “known”, now living intentionally with NEW, kinder, gentler ways of being in the world.   With the close and constant proximity to Trusted Others I am re-parenting myself, growing into a spiritually mature woman. (more…)

This Is How–Augusten Burroughs

“If you have one parent who loves you, even if they can’t buy you clothes, they’re so poor and they make all kinds of mistakes and maybe sometimes they even give you awful advice, but never for one moment do you doubt their love for you–if you have this, you have incredibly good fortune.”

This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike

Forgiveness

I have heard it said that “Forgiveness requires more than the intellectual commitment to do so.”

Years of seeking a definition that I can work with,  I think I this is IT.

“Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare…”

― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

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WBA-Terminology

What these words mean to me:

Wholesome-spiritually /principle driven. (In my life, my principles are static-unchanged by my mood or reaction. Mine are those of a 12 Step Fellowship.)  When I am in alignment with my program principles, I am wholesome.

BadAss– Grit, courage and resolve. Strength of character.  When I walk head on, through what I think I cannot manage– with only my courage and faith, I feel BadAss.  When I resist the invitation to jump into the ring, I am a BadAss.  When I say, Sorry that won’t work out, without defense, I am BadAss.  When I revere my Good Orderly Direction more than my concern with another persons’s reaction, I AM A BADASS.

Accepting an uncomfortable truth, an unpleasant fact.  Accepting that there is nothing to be done about it and Just doing the next right thing.  Courage and Faith are the only reasons I have not reacted more to the behaviors and words of my family.

Courage– Facing pain and fear with faith in Good Orderly Direction. (more…)

Big Effen Surrender

Big Surrender

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Today, I did something different. When I wanted to react, when I wanted to retaliate, to enlighten, I did nothing. I let it be. I cried. I shared with trusted others.  I cried.  And I let it be. That is a miracle.  The situation is very non-miracle.  My response to it-100% miracle.  Willingness to do things differently to not do and say as I feel called to do by habit, will, or ego.  100%!

                        “the gift of an unexpressed thought“–  Big Surrender