happy mothers’ day
Is it unreasonable to wish for a mother who would not contribute to or support initiatives that are guaranteed to escalate tension between her grandsons' parents? IS IT? I knew…
The Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses
I cannot help but marvel at how “they” manufacture chaos and trouble so they can dole out punishment, while denying their anger. A part of my mind says don’t speak or write about it, they will like that—making them feel all important and impactful. The other part of me says “fuck them, I want the world to know what twisted assholes they can be”. And the recovery part of me says “Write about it if it helps you to sift and heal. Share it to help others on a similar journey”. (more…)
Every Time I Judge
I used to have immense shame over how I struggled and how I felt, like I was embarrassed for my feelings. WTF? Difficult feelings were for judging not having or…
Recovery Celebrations
I was alllwaaaays melting down-losing my shit. I had not learned healthy coping skills. For my first 40 years, secondary feelings about my feelings kicked my ass. In our home feelings…
Best Days of Our Lives
Last night, Bryan Adams' song "Best Days of Our Lives" played on the radio. For a moment I felt nostalgic, reminded of senior year, summer in particular where we were…
Shame on Who(or whom)?
You know, as I reflect back on my first 30 years, I no longer feel overtaken by shame. Shame for immense & unspeakable pain and my inability to manage myself…
Get Over It—Umm Okaaay
People with narcissistic personalities and behaviors often confuse holding a healthy boundary for holding a grudge. It is prudent,healthy, and fair to openly communicate an unavailability for more of the same diminishing…
DGAF–I Totally Give
This reminded me of Christmas Dinner 3 years ago while angsting over my contribution of a salad for the evening meal; worried that the dressing was not turning out. My…
I am sorry that…
You never apologized for hurting me but I apologized 12 times for how I handled that pain. That is how I was raised…apologizing for causing other people’s unfortunate behaviors, because…
Thank You for Teaching Me
And so I rise from godless, shame-filled decades of anger and despair as I learn and recover from the traumatic effects of the covert abuse dynamics. I am developing faith…
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