Author: Magda Gee

This author has written 579 articles

The Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses

I cannot help but marvel at how “they” manufacture chaos and trouble so they can dole out punishment, while denying their anger.  A part of my mind says don’t speak or write about it, they will like that—making them feel all important and impactful.  The other part of me says “fuck them, I want the world to know what twisted assholes they can be”. And the recovery part of me says “Write about it if it helps you to sift and heal.  Share it to help others on a similar journey”. (more…)

Continue ReadingThe Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses

Best Days of Our Lives

Last night, Bryan Adams' song "Best Days of Our Lives" played on the radio.  For a moment I felt nostalgic, reminded of senior year, summer in particular where we were…

Continue ReadingBest Days of Our Lives

Get Over It—Umm Okaaay

People with narcissistic personalities and behaviors often confuse holding a healthy boundary for holding a grudge.  It is prudent,healthy, and fair to openly communicate an unavailability for more of the same diminishing…

Continue ReadingGet Over It—Umm Okaaay

The Legacy of Rage

I contemplated deleting my last post because of all of the evidence of my anger–having difficult feelings is proof of defectiveness in my FOO, and cause for dismissal or debate.  In my family of origin, I was the feeler, the over feeler, the overly sensitive one.  Unable to mask or deny pain, anger, joy, confusion.  I was not shown or taught to effectively manage my emotions in healthy ways.  In recovery, I have learned that we cannot selectively numb feelings.  Efforts to numb pain also block other feelings like joy and peace.  So, I have all of these intense emotions, all of the feels, and I am trying to learn how to feel them AND not be
controlled by them.  I am not ashamed of experiencing anger.  Though my sometimes reactive behaviors do not elevate my self esteem.  What does elevate it, is the practice of reflecting on it and being willing to own and amend what I can.   My diminishing words & behavior are a reaction–a

reflection of what is going on inside me in that moment, usually fear can be found at the root.  Deep sigh. (more…)

Continue ReadingThe Legacy of Rage