Pray for a Miracle
On and off, for decades, I wanted so badly to be like them and with them that I was willing to engage the sentiment that I was broken and unworthy,…
Understanding Unforgiveness- Repair or Release?
Forgiving those who knowingly continue to diminish the sanctity of my family can sometimes feel impossible. Reading and listening to every writer, healer, spiritual guide--seeking the help I need to…
One Day at a Time, They too Shall Pass
With each day and night that passes, there is one less in which we have to heal. In this desire(to heal), I stand alone. My mother, aunts, and uncles are…
No Solution- No problem
My lil canary dog--in tune with me, sensitive, present, and faithful. Another 4 seizures/24 hours. When I engage the stress and despair of my family, he seizes. He is my…
Surrender…. or Try Harder, More, Better
Resignation is not acceptance-- and with my family of origin, this is especially challenging. The collective action and message which remain consistent from them: "eff you, you are unworthy and bad--…
The Imaginary Letter-The One That Never Comes
How many fucken times will I need to surrender this? I cannot stand that she never has to be accountable for her behaviors and words and the wakes of destruction…
Greatest Achievement-hahaha
I trust him in the most deepest blood way and can count on him in all ways. He makes a space for me to feel my intense and full range…
Letter to Mother and Sister
I will assume your silence means you need more space at this time. I look forward to a time where we may each communicate openly and kindly. I would like…
Tools for Life
Coming from a long lines of mental illness and untreated addiction, where every non-happy feeling was perceived as anger and responded to with anger, I picked up some unfortunate coping and operating styles.…
An Invitation to Heal-Repair or Release
I am slowly mining gems of peace from the work of reconciling and healing, I must do on my own. According to Reverend Desmond Tutu; healing and reconciliation do not erase the reality of injuries that occur AND forgiveness is not pretending that what has indeed happened did not happen. “Healing does not draw a veil over the hurt.” For a lifetime I have longed for honest reckoning– which consistently has been denied/attacked by those whom I relate to by virtue of birth….And no matter the diminishing words and behaviors, I remain willing to reconcile–with them.”
An invitation to forgive is an invitation to find healing and peace, not to forget or pretend.” My invitation stands- and is as offensive to them today as it was 25 years ago and 2 years ago and 1 year ago. I will pray for the willingness to remain open to the possibilities of healing in my mother’s lifetime with people who show no promise of being able to sustain a presence beyond celebrations and emergencies. Shutting down would be much easier.
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