Silence
Not stoic enough to be silent or aloof, I am practicing saying and doing nothing in response to underhanded invitations to enter into indirect conflict. While I
now set boundaries for only myself, without arguing to be heard, my abstinence from standard entanglement is labelled abandonment—“cutting them off” because that is how silence is used in my family. I just say No. Or Sorry that won’t work until it no longer makes sense to say it again.
So, I have mostly quieted my mouth, but my head still spins with all the things I wish to say or stop feeling and thinking. Silence with a trusted other is golden.
Thank you, Joel Osteen, for a reminder that life is about making memories. Shared experiences and connections….rather than required and posed photos with others in close proximity. I have too many photos suggestive of good times and connection and have been often saddened that the lack of posed photos in recent years is proof of the opposite. Truth, I hide from the camera because pictures can lie…or worse, they can tell the truth! For OUR 2016 Thanksgiving, however, it would have been nice to have someone snapping pictures on the down-low, of us just doing our thing, laughing, playing, being who we are. Journalistic photos are my fave. Posing genuinely 100% pains me. I wouldn’t mind some photos of us, in action, enjoying 
First mellllllllow Thanksgiving ever: Greg and I grimaced over the 7 menu items actually requiring work, imagining the stress of those with a vision for exactly how the grand feast must be presented and received. Probably, easier done without consideration for children and individual preferences. We were relaxed about our “plan”, and still– managing timing the dishes to be throughly cooked and hot -at all at once, felt challenging. S1 announced that he was “starving” before the meal was fully prepared. So, he ate his meal in courses, while S2 and Greg’s son played outside-before the official Feast time.
Today’s post is for those who are suffering; doubting their worthiness. Nothing like special occasions to revive the myth that we, the unlovable, must hustle for our worth- that there are pre-requisites for unconditional belonging and nurturing love. There are those among us who understand and embrace our responsibility to share our experience and courage to Change the Things We Can.
Most of my life, I have wished for the ability to Act As If…
r-reacting…but not always the case. He recognizes the difference and we get to laugh later when he is ready to share without shame, that he was too tired to cope and had decomposed into crazy cryer. Demonstrating how it is real and ok to be sensitive allows him to know when it is necessary to seek serenity and safety 
Hello Friends, Last month, my Darling stumped me with “So…what do you want for your birthday?”.
For so long, I might only shave my legs or wear good undies, outfit, or make up if I were to be seen by “someone good”. Sad but true. Now, I choose these things for me, for my own self-care. Self care is unnatural for me. So much easier to neglect myself. I’m no longer motivated by the opinions of those once who wish to hand down their judgment or favor. Big News—the judgers do not have what I need. Their opinions are not my business and I need not turn to them to see where I stand. I don’t need permission to take good care of myself and I don’t do it at them. I have learned to do it because it is responsible and satisfying. I am amused by my bragging of allowing my hairS to become greasy, my legs to go from prickly- to furry, to those who need to judge.