This is my 11th day since receiving my daily reader. Below is the daily reading for January 11, titled False Self:
Many of us couldn’t be ourselves as children. In order to survive, we bought our parents’ negative messages, and then as adults, we repeated the dishonest justifications for crazy behavior. We remember our destructive false pride that wouldn’t allow us to admit mistakes or to feel vulnerable. On some level, we always knew what we were doing, but our false self was in charge and we didn’t have the words or thought processes to do things differently or to express true feelings.
What hurts the most is that for those of us who have children, we have modeled this dishonest behavior for them. As much as we tried to stop ourselves, we just couldn’t see our way through, to show them a better side.
In recovery, we now see that our wounds were so deep that it’s hard to imagine that we had a hole that big on our soul. Today, we can see that our lack of honesty for so long is constant proof of the trauma we suffered as children, and the reason we need ACA to break the cycle. This is where we strip away all the layers of shame that created our false self. WE now more readily admit our shortcomings because as adults we can handle any fallout. In doing so, we keep the family craziness from growing.
On this day I release my false self and have the courage to admit when I am wrong. I do this so that the hurt stops piling up, for both others and myself.
